I lost my first wife in April of 2004, after nearly three decades together. For more than a month it felt as though I had been torn in half. My normally very organized brain kept misfiring to the point that I was making so many mistakes while writing checks for household bills that I was barely able to write a valid check in two hours.
My company manufactured complex marine navigation programs, and I had been the primary programmer. As with writing checks, my gift for easily writing programming code was no better than my ability to write checks.
Many people do not understand the devastation of losing a well loved spouse and partner.
As a widower so many years ago, I can understand the widow issues you faced. As a man, it is not possible for me to fully understand the compounded issues you have dealt with.
But I am pleased to have chosen to subscribe to your "sweet dumb brain" and read this missive.
Seems to this old man that you are finding the grace and acceptance that leads to a bit of normal coming into your life.
As for me, as I approach my 78th birthday, I am so blessed to have met a woman who did not mind my occasionally calling her Anja rather than her given name of Mary.
We have been together for 16 wonderful years, warts and all. Mary is 15 years younger than me, but lovingly refers to me as a young looking old man, a phrase my intellect labels as an oxymoron, but my heart labels as love.
I look forward to reading more about your journey, young lady.
Thank you, Dennis! I am so happy you found me. I am so sorry you know the pain of losing a spouse, but it means a lot to hear you validate the experience of grief brain. It is incredible how much grief effects us.
I am happy to hear that you’ve found love again. It’s such an act of bravery to open your heart to someone else. Thank you for reading!
I love this Katie! So real. And kind. And accessible. Saluting you and your extraordinary journey, affirming that these moments matter. You matter. Thank you.
I find the times I think I have written a poor or jumbled post, it seems to be the ones readers connect with most. I very much connected with this post. I promise it didn’t need the semi apology near the end! Last week I thought my weekly essay was middling at best and I was determined to write a great one for this week. Then I landed in the hospital for 3-4 days. No computer, can’t journal on paper thanks to IVs and resigned to “it will be whatever it is this week” ( if it gets done at all).That is life. And you’re right, it gets better and then something gets worse. I used to be waiting for it to get better so I could relax. About the age of 50 I thought wow, that never happens! And then we got a pandemic and I again started waiting for it to get better. Life really is about these moments. Thank you so much for reminding me. What a lovely solstice gift.
Exactly what I needed this morning. Thank you.
I’m so glad! ❤️
I lost my first wife in April of 2004, after nearly three decades together. For more than a month it felt as though I had been torn in half. My normally very organized brain kept misfiring to the point that I was making so many mistakes while writing checks for household bills that I was barely able to write a valid check in two hours.
My company manufactured complex marine navigation programs, and I had been the primary programmer. As with writing checks, my gift for easily writing programming code was no better than my ability to write checks.
Many people do not understand the devastation of losing a well loved spouse and partner.
As a widower so many years ago, I can understand the widow issues you faced. As a man, it is not possible for me to fully understand the compounded issues you have dealt with.
But I am pleased to have chosen to subscribe to your "sweet dumb brain" and read this missive.
Seems to this old man that you are finding the grace and acceptance that leads to a bit of normal coming into your life.
As for me, as I approach my 78th birthday, I am so blessed to have met a woman who did not mind my occasionally calling her Anja rather than her given name of Mary.
We have been together for 16 wonderful years, warts and all. Mary is 15 years younger than me, but lovingly refers to me as a young looking old man, a phrase my intellect labels as an oxymoron, but my heart labels as love.
I look forward to reading more about your journey, young lady.
Thank you, Dennis! I am so happy you found me. I am so sorry you know the pain of losing a spouse, but it means a lot to hear you validate the experience of grief brain. It is incredible how much grief effects us.
I am happy to hear that you’ve found love again. It’s such an act of bravery to open your heart to someone else. Thank you for reading!
I love this Katie! So real. And kind. And accessible. Saluting you and your extraordinary journey, affirming that these moments matter. You matter. Thank you.
So kind, Amanda! Thank YOU.
loved your piece this week, it's just like life! nuggets in unpredictable places :) L
You’re right! Thanks, Laura.
I find the times I think I have written a poor or jumbled post, it seems to be the ones readers connect with most. I very much connected with this post. I promise it didn’t need the semi apology near the end! Last week I thought my weekly essay was middling at best and I was determined to write a great one for this week. Then I landed in the hospital for 3-4 days. No computer, can’t journal on paper thanks to IVs and resigned to “it will be whatever it is this week” ( if it gets done at all).That is life. And you’re right, it gets better and then something gets worse. I used to be waiting for it to get better so I could relax. About the age of 50 I thought wow, that never happens! And then we got a pandemic and I again started waiting for it to get better. Life really is about these moments. Thank you so much for reminding me. What a lovely solstice gift.
Love this comment! How much of life we waste, imagining we're simply not 'there' yet! Here's to celebrating the glory of now!
I’m glad it resonated, Karen! And I hope you’re recuperating and resting. Thinking about you.
Was feeling the heat in New York and South Carolina, too! Especially the latter. Here’s do doing what we can and honoring every step. <3
An interesting format! I enjoyed this as well. :)
Thanks, Val! It was fun to experiment.
I loved this format! Your snippets of wisdom really resonated with me.
This TED Talk on life transitions struck a chord with me this weekend as I packed up my house - highly recommend!
https://youtu.be/GxfNq0gIMso
Ooh, I’m excited to watch that. Thanks!
I’m glad it resonated! That book is full of wonderful tidbits about hope ✨