At this stage of my life, my most pressing and consistent need is childcare help. I know I’m fortunate in this regard. We send my daughter to a half-day preschool, and we have family nearby who are available in the afternoons and weekends. Still, we always need help filling in the gaps. (Like today! When school is canceled because of winter weather and everything is thrown off whack.)
I could use help mustering up the courage and confidence to take updated headshots — or to even take the first step of booking those headshots. (What does that specific confidence help look like? I’m not sure!)
I need help navigating the ups and downs of a romantic relationship and building a stronger partnership.
I want to be a better gardener, but don’t know where to start.
* that long-term partnership is wonderful *and* hard and that, 23 years in and going through one of our hardest patches, it's all okay and part of the process of being in partnership.
* that money stuff is just never going to be easy. That building up a full emergency fund and paying off all debt and adequately saving for retirement is just hard and maybe impossible. And that I need to go easier on myself when I feel like I'm failing at it all, over and over again.
* relatedly, that I am highly-sensitive and because of that plus the specific work I do, I just can't work as much as I "should" to give the appearance of being neurotypical, to feel normal, and to make bigger strides toward those financial goals above without it absolutely wrecking me (fatigue, overwhelm, burnout).
* related to that, that although I want to charge forward with goals and finally make the progress in my life that's been stunted for years because of the trauma of all the last years (2016 election, Trump years, covid, family stuff), that what I really need is to take a step back and rest and recover. Which I'm not happy about.
I'm being vulnerable with a few very close friends about all of the above but the money and work stuff I feel pretty alone with. (I'm somehow friends with weirdos who've got plenty of neurotypicality (?!) and more than enough money lol)
I could use a friend... not a zoom or FaceTime friend, but a real IRL friend. The ones I’ve had lately seem to be dying at an alarming rate.
A walking/strolling buddy seems awesome!! I’d like that. Someone to just listen or be listened to or not even need to talk ... anyway, internet friends, I got in excess... but IRL... 😔
I need help asking my husband for help! I've gotten good at reaching out to my mom, mother-in-law and female friends, and even telling my kids when I need them to pitch in. But I have this constant inner struggle when it comes to asking my husband for something he doesn't typically do. We have a good distribution of chores in general, but if I want extra "out of the norm" time or tasks, I hesitate to ask him. I don't know why; we're in a loving relationship, he's never refused to do what I ask for, and I'm a strong feminist who values my own time. It's a weird block I can't seem to get past.
In the past year I was diagnosed with PMDD, ulcerative colitis and ADHD. I almost lost my marriage. But I did lose my income.
I lost my job last week due to unpredictable behaviors dealing with these diagnoses and not having the appropriate medications, support, or systems in place yet.
I *think* I need an accountability partner who has been through a grieving process with losing their health and their job. Someone who struggles with anxiety and depression and can relate to my struggles. Someone who can help me not rush into the next job or career without HEALING. Bonus if you are a teacher or childcare worker as that is an area I am thinking of moving into (once I’m strong enough again).
If you think this is you, please reach out! I’m a mom to amazing 9 year old twin girls, have a passion for, well too many things, but yoga, knitting, and children.
Thank you for reading this far! I love this community!
Love this prompt! I was a determinedly independent woman following a divorce and struggled to ask for help should I be seen as 1) weak and 2) it would be used against me at some point.
Some years later a new partner gently told me not letting him help me was not allowing our relationship to develop or deepen. That it meant so much to him to be able to help/ look after me, and that he needed to be needed sometimes. Ooof, did that hit hard.
I think I'm much better at asking for help and support now, but still find it hard to be direct in what I need help with. Often I don't really know, as mostly it's just taking *something* off my plate so I don't have to make many/any decisions - I get SO fatigued with decision making sometimes.
Right now I'd love someone to do my washing up because I really can't be bothered.
Often I need help with practical DIY-type stuff because it's not really my forte, and often it's so expensive to hire those skills in.
I love this prompt and the challenge to share, even though I've stared at this comment box for an alarming amount of time wondering if I'll have the courage to hit "post." Thank you for leading by example, so here goes:
I guess the main area I need help in is figuring out how to make my business 1. Financially sustainable and 2. Financially successful. And I'd love to have the confidence to post that without feeling immediate shame.
As a fellow widow, I have created a business around supporting grievers. It happened slowly and organically and therefore, without a real "plan." For many years, I did the work for free while working other jobs because it was Needed. Now I'm struggling with the transition from "here are my words and my heart" to "please pay for the effort." I struggle with marketing for fear or being salesy when so many people feel isolated and alone in their grief. I want to give everything to everyone. And yet, I can't.
I see so much potential in what I've created, and also, I'm tired.
So what help is that? A cheerleader? A marketing guru? An accountability buddy? A financial coach? A life coach? A therapist? A fellow solo-preneur to explore life's big questions? Maybe just a nap? Probably all.
Thank you for allowing me the space to practice this ask and to make it a tiny bit easier to say out loud.
Thanks for calling out how hard it is to push back on help that is offered--I feel so needy when I redirect people in this way. I think at the core of all the things I need help with is a deeper need to be seen, to have a witness to my circumstances who simply tries to feel some of my pain.
I've always struggled with articulating my needs and asking for help. There have been times (the years my wife was bedbound) that would have been easier had I been better at this. But, that's the past and we survived and got through it.
As far as what I need help with now, it's taken a bit of thinking. One area is with work. When I encounter a problem o technical challenge, I often feel that because I've been doing this for 20 years and am the supposed "expert" at work I feel like I can't ask for help. A big part of that is impostor syndrome and feeling like I'll be found out as a fraud if I need help. So one area I'd like to get better at is just asking for help with my job.
Another area I need help in is with some of the administrative tasks of life. Even though my wife is not as sick as she once was, I feel hesitant to ask for the help from her, even though I do need it.
I always feel like asking for help is creating an inconvenience or burden for someone else, when actually, it's in depending on eachother that we build a more robust community.
i love this prompt. it can be scary and vulnerable to admit that we need help, but it's impossible to build real community if no one can ever admit to needing things. This was a big lesson for me when I found out I was pregnant with twins in 2019, i got much better about asking for and accepting help. (They were born feb 2020... I've blocked a lot of their early life out) i'm feeling some of the weight of really intensive childcare ease a bit as they round the corner to 4, so I love thinking about what is a new thing I can ask for help with in 2024.
I could use more help with accountability, a few more check ins to help me stay caught up with life, goals, health etc. I find myself needing reminders here and there or someone to say “hey! You’re getting off track!” Lol
I love this prompt and loved reading through these comments! Asking for help is a huge challenge for me (like it seems to be for all of us!). Things I could use help with:
--ADHD management! This is a new diagnosis for me, and figuring out ALL THE THINGS is so overwhelming (especially, as a friend said recently, when you have ADHD! Haha).
--Support related to chronic pain management and acceptance, and just being willing to slow down. Living with joint pain from joint hypermobility syndrome, and digestive issues and pain from IBS, means I can't always do everything I want to, and I'm so bad at accepting that. I had major hip surgery a few months ago and my mother-in-law came to help out for a few days, and she had to gently talk me into accepting that help -- I never would have asked!
--Communicating my needs with my husband. I have better communication with him than almost anyone else in my life other than one or two very close friends, but a lifetime of shoving down my needs makes it really hard to speak up.
--DIY investment management! This is a big focus of mine right now, and I've been reading allll the books, but I have a weird block about actually going to other people for advice or insight.
I suppose the summary of all this is that I need help asking for help. :) It's definitely something I'd love to work on!
I need help convincing my farmer husband to retire in the next few years! That way we can travel more.
As for gardening, I just gave this book to my daughter. They bought their first house a year ago and she's excited to start digging in the dirt, but didn't know where to start. This is a great book for anyone, regardless of experience level, who wants to go native to help as many pollinators, birds, and other critters as possible.
In the meantime, keep focusing on the positive and being the great person you are!
This is really tough to articulate! Kiddo goes to daycare, which is great for when I have to work, but I rarely get time to play with my partner. We moved about a year and a half ago, so I don't feel quite there yet with asking my few acquaintances for help watching the three-year-old while we have a date night once in a while. Family is a couple hours away, so that's not an especially great solution unless we want them to stay for the weekend.
I think also I need to take a cue from that parallel play article - I work from home, and most of the time I stay at home. But I am capable of taking my laptop somewhere and working, and I really do prefer being around people even if I don't know them/am not interacting with them. (I'm also seeking out non-remote jobs now, but that's slow going.)
At this stage of my life, my most pressing and consistent need is childcare help. I know I’m fortunate in this regard. We send my daughter to a half-day preschool, and we have family nearby who are available in the afternoons and weekends. Still, we always need help filling in the gaps. (Like today! When school is canceled because of winter weather and everything is thrown off whack.)
I could use help mustering up the courage and confidence to take updated headshots — or to even take the first step of booking those headshots. (What does that specific confidence help look like? I’m not sure!)
I need help navigating the ups and downs of a romantic relationship and building a stronger partnership.
I want to be a better gardener, but don’t know where to start.
And this article about the benefits for parallel play for adults struck a chord with me. (https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/24/well/live/parallel-play-for-adults.html?unlocked_article_code=1.N00.zMcn.jfTUKotct2Dd&smid=url-share) I’d honestly love regular time with a friend spent reading, puzzling or writing quietly in the same room.
I need help with radical acceptance (lol):
* that long-term partnership is wonderful *and* hard and that, 23 years in and going through one of our hardest patches, it's all okay and part of the process of being in partnership.
* that money stuff is just never going to be easy. That building up a full emergency fund and paying off all debt and adequately saving for retirement is just hard and maybe impossible. And that I need to go easier on myself when I feel like I'm failing at it all, over and over again.
* relatedly, that I am highly-sensitive and because of that plus the specific work I do, I just can't work as much as I "should" to give the appearance of being neurotypical, to feel normal, and to make bigger strides toward those financial goals above without it absolutely wrecking me (fatigue, overwhelm, burnout).
* related to that, that although I want to charge forward with goals and finally make the progress in my life that's been stunted for years because of the trauma of all the last years (2016 election, Trump years, covid, family stuff), that what I really need is to take a step back and rest and recover. Which I'm not happy about.
I'm being vulnerable with a few very close friends about all of the above but the money and work stuff I feel pretty alone with. (I'm somehow friends with weirdos who've got plenty of neurotypicality (?!) and more than enough money lol)
I could use a friend... not a zoom or FaceTime friend, but a real IRL friend. The ones I’ve had lately seem to be dying at an alarming rate.
A walking/strolling buddy seems awesome!! I’d like that. Someone to just listen or be listened to or not even need to talk ... anyway, internet friends, I got in excess... but IRL... 😔
I need help asking my husband for help! I've gotten good at reaching out to my mom, mother-in-law and female friends, and even telling my kids when I need them to pitch in. But I have this constant inner struggle when it comes to asking my husband for something he doesn't typically do. We have a good distribution of chores in general, but if I want extra "out of the norm" time or tasks, I hesitate to ask him. I don't know why; we're in a loving relationship, he's never refused to do what I ask for, and I'm a strong feminist who values my own time. It's a weird block I can't seem to get past.
I need help getting specific about my needs!
In the past year I was diagnosed with PMDD, ulcerative colitis and ADHD. I almost lost my marriage. But I did lose my income.
I lost my job last week due to unpredictable behaviors dealing with these diagnoses and not having the appropriate medications, support, or systems in place yet.
I *think* I need an accountability partner who has been through a grieving process with losing their health and their job. Someone who struggles with anxiety and depression and can relate to my struggles. Someone who can help me not rush into the next job or career without HEALING. Bonus if you are a teacher or childcare worker as that is an area I am thinking of moving into (once I’m strong enough again).
If you think this is you, please reach out! I’m a mom to amazing 9 year old twin girls, have a passion for, well too many things, but yoga, knitting, and children.
Thank you for reading this far! I love this community!
Love this prompt! I was a determinedly independent woman following a divorce and struggled to ask for help should I be seen as 1) weak and 2) it would be used against me at some point.
Some years later a new partner gently told me not letting him help me was not allowing our relationship to develop or deepen. That it meant so much to him to be able to help/ look after me, and that he needed to be needed sometimes. Ooof, did that hit hard.
I think I'm much better at asking for help and support now, but still find it hard to be direct in what I need help with. Often I don't really know, as mostly it's just taking *something* off my plate so I don't have to make many/any decisions - I get SO fatigued with decision making sometimes.
Right now I'd love someone to do my washing up because I really can't be bothered.
Often I need help with practical DIY-type stuff because it's not really my forte, and often it's so expensive to hire those skills in.
I can feel myself isolating again. So I need help to say “yes” more. Instead of automatically “no”.
I love this prompt and the challenge to share, even though I've stared at this comment box for an alarming amount of time wondering if I'll have the courage to hit "post." Thank you for leading by example, so here goes:
I guess the main area I need help in is figuring out how to make my business 1. Financially sustainable and 2. Financially successful. And I'd love to have the confidence to post that without feeling immediate shame.
As a fellow widow, I have created a business around supporting grievers. It happened slowly and organically and therefore, without a real "plan." For many years, I did the work for free while working other jobs because it was Needed. Now I'm struggling with the transition from "here are my words and my heart" to "please pay for the effort." I struggle with marketing for fear or being salesy when so many people feel isolated and alone in their grief. I want to give everything to everyone. And yet, I can't.
I see so much potential in what I've created, and also, I'm tired.
So what help is that? A cheerleader? A marketing guru? An accountability buddy? A financial coach? A life coach? A therapist? A fellow solo-preneur to explore life's big questions? Maybe just a nap? Probably all.
Thank you for allowing me the space to practice this ask and to make it a tiny bit easier to say out loud.
Thanks for calling out how hard it is to push back on help that is offered--I feel so needy when I redirect people in this way. I think at the core of all the things I need help with is a deeper need to be seen, to have a witness to my circumstances who simply tries to feel some of my pain.
I've always struggled with articulating my needs and asking for help. There have been times (the years my wife was bedbound) that would have been easier had I been better at this. But, that's the past and we survived and got through it.
As far as what I need help with now, it's taken a bit of thinking. One area is with work. When I encounter a problem o technical challenge, I often feel that because I've been doing this for 20 years and am the supposed "expert" at work I feel like I can't ask for help. A big part of that is impostor syndrome and feeling like I'll be found out as a fraud if I need help. So one area I'd like to get better at is just asking for help with my job.
Another area I need help in is with some of the administrative tasks of life. Even though my wife is not as sick as she once was, I feel hesitant to ask for the help from her, even though I do need it.
I always feel like asking for help is creating an inconvenience or burden for someone else, when actually, it's in depending on eachother that we build a more robust community.
i love this prompt. it can be scary and vulnerable to admit that we need help, but it's impossible to build real community if no one can ever admit to needing things. This was a big lesson for me when I found out I was pregnant with twins in 2019, i got much better about asking for and accepting help. (They were born feb 2020... I've blocked a lot of their early life out) i'm feeling some of the weight of really intensive childcare ease a bit as they round the corner to 4, so I love thinking about what is a new thing I can ask for help with in 2024.
I could use more help with accountability, a few more check ins to help me stay caught up with life, goals, health etc. I find myself needing reminders here and there or someone to say “hey! You’re getting off track!” Lol
I love this prompt and loved reading through these comments! Asking for help is a huge challenge for me (like it seems to be for all of us!). Things I could use help with:
--ADHD management! This is a new diagnosis for me, and figuring out ALL THE THINGS is so overwhelming (especially, as a friend said recently, when you have ADHD! Haha).
--Support related to chronic pain management and acceptance, and just being willing to slow down. Living with joint pain from joint hypermobility syndrome, and digestive issues and pain from IBS, means I can't always do everything I want to, and I'm so bad at accepting that. I had major hip surgery a few months ago and my mother-in-law came to help out for a few days, and she had to gently talk me into accepting that help -- I never would have asked!
--Communicating my needs with my husband. I have better communication with him than almost anyone else in my life other than one or two very close friends, but a lifetime of shoving down my needs makes it really hard to speak up.
--DIY investment management! This is a big focus of mine right now, and I've been reading allll the books, but I have a weird block about actually going to other people for advice or insight.
I suppose the summary of all this is that I need help asking for help. :) It's definitely something I'd love to work on!
I need help convincing my farmer husband to retire in the next few years! That way we can travel more.
As for gardening, I just gave this book to my daughter. They bought their first house a year ago and she's excited to start digging in the dirt, but didn't know where to start. This is a great book for anyone, regardless of experience level, who wants to go native to help as many pollinators, birds, and other critters as possible.
In the meantime, keep focusing on the positive and being the great person you are!
This was wonderful and important.
This is really tough to articulate! Kiddo goes to daycare, which is great for when I have to work, but I rarely get time to play with my partner. We moved about a year and a half ago, so I don't feel quite there yet with asking my few acquaintances for help watching the three-year-old while we have a date night once in a while. Family is a couple hours away, so that's not an especially great solution unless we want them to stay for the weekend.
I think also I need to take a cue from that parallel play article - I work from home, and most of the time I stay at home. But I am capable of taking my laptop somewhere and working, and I really do prefer being around people even if I don't know them/am not interacting with them. (I'm also seeking out non-remote jobs now, but that's slow going.)