Documenting the joys helps. I used to love a To Do list. Now I love a "Ta Da" list. While I am working to not celebrate "productivity" (to relish myself as a human being, not a human doing), I naturally like checking things off and it's nice to make a list at the end of the day of all the little things. Sometimes it's a list of things that I got done. But often it's more about the things I saw, felt, shared, experienced.
This is exactly what I needed to read today! These lines:
"Yes, there are steps you can take to earn more money, carve out more time, gain more energy, or become more confident, but it’s not going to happen overnight. And, let’s be honest: you may never reach the levels of those things that you’ve dreamed of. Even if you do, there will always be another level, just out of reach.
I’m not saying this to be discouraging nor to give you an excuse or permission not to try. I’m saying it so you can stop beating yourself up, on top of everything else. "
Thank you. Yes, needed to see this on a very struggly morning. perhaps we mostly have problems with physics, where we're trying to fit oh so many infinite things into a definitely finite box. The overflow creates frustration as we watch our dreamed up goals dissipate.
Perfect description. And also it feels like less of a "just my own incapability" problem, when it is, very truthfully, a nature of reality problem. It's just physics!
I love thinking about life in periods, and particularly if there are young kids in the mix. Things change so quickly with kids--harder then easier then harder--and I am so prone in the hard moments to be like, "THIS IS IT, THIS IS HOW IT WILL ALWAYS BE, I WILL NEVER HAVE TIME TO WRITE AGAIN." This is my issue with the standard "work-life" balance effort as well. It usually focuses on balancing everything within one day or one week, versus over many years, which is way more realistic and humane. Thanks for writing this!
Young kids really, REALLY change our experience, perspective, and expectations with time. And, well, literally everything else! Work, our bodies, our relationships—partners, parents, friends. Leisure time. Health.
I think it really does come down to Katie's point about being such an individualist society. So much change is unsustainable without a close-knit, reliable, trusted support network. But we're all trying (and have an unspoken social obligation) to do it all, all the time, all alone ... Well, alone as in individual, single-family units.
Anyway, all this to say: yes! Thank you for saying that. Realistic/humane timeframes for realistic/humane expectations, please!!!
Life in periods. Exactly. I'm out of the little kid stage. My daughter is in the thick of it though and feels much the same as you Katie. I think that is a universal feeling for mom's (not sure about dad's!) Wishing you moments of magic along the way. Take care. xo
P.S. I listened to the audiobook of "I'm glad my mother's dead" read by the author. It's well done and while hard to listen to at some points, at the end of the day, a really good book.
You wrote this at such a perfect time for me; I've been thinking a lot lately about how certain periods in our lives just will be harder no matter what we do and accepting that really helps to get through it rather than makes things harder by attributing the difficulty to some flaw within ourselves. Thanks for another thoughtful newsletter!
This made me remember something I did when I was struggling with caring for a toddler and infant at the same time. I documented the hard parts, my exhaustion, sadness, rage, etc. I allowed myself to feel those feelings in private selfies because they were “inappropriate” or awkward to show to anyone else. It helped. So, not only consider documenting the joy, but maybe the struggle too.
Oh boy did I need this today. I'm working on learning online tools, Canva, Kittl, and ChatGPT to create printables. I'm taking a printables course where my expectations and reality are (both) parked parallel to success. I don't see an intersection. And it's been going on since December. Your post helped me out of my funk and allowed me to stop sniveling and take a hike in nature.
This was great! I separated from my dysfunctional partner and thought that was the hard thing. I mean...it was, but also, so is parenting and working and real life right now. I've been surprised at how hard the hard is without the super dumb hard. I LOVE hearing about other peoples problems and suffering, it helps me feel connected to others and like I'm a part of humanity, not isolated on a shame island by myself.
I kind of feel like starting my memoir on Substack has become one big advice column to myself, although that's not what it was intended to be! Thank you for the link to your I Saw the Sign post. When I cannot listen to advice from my inner columnist, be open to those signs usually gets me through. Plus they are just so damn much fun!
You are so right Katie, life is hard and we aren't alone in it. So many times we feel alone with the struggle but we really aren't. Sometimes though we need to remind ourselves that we are human and not perfect. Some of what we expect in life when we want it doesn't always come to pass. That's why I don't make strict plans. When expectations are set lower, the disappointment if there is some won't be as bad. Thank you though for the reminder that I'm not alone.
Documenting the joys helps. I used to love a To Do list. Now I love a "Ta Da" list. While I am working to not celebrate "productivity" (to relish myself as a human being, not a human doing), I naturally like checking things off and it's nice to make a list at the end of the day of all the little things. Sometimes it's a list of things that I got done. But often it's more about the things I saw, felt, shared, experienced.
That is truly delightful! Ta-da! I love this.
Here to say the same thing! What a lovely idea.
This is exactly what I needed to read today! These lines:
"Yes, there are steps you can take to earn more money, carve out more time, gain more energy, or become more confident, but it’s not going to happen overnight. And, let’s be honest: you may never reach the levels of those things that you’ve dreamed of. Even if you do, there will always be another level, just out of reach.
I’m not saying this to be discouraging nor to give you an excuse or permission not to try. I’m saying it so you can stop beating yourself up, on top of everything else. "
Thank you <3
You’re so welcome. I’m glad it helped!
Thank you. Yes, needed to see this on a very struggly morning. perhaps we mostly have problems with physics, where we're trying to fit oh so many infinite things into a definitely finite box. The overflow creates frustration as we watch our dreamed up goals dissipate.
Perfect description. And also it feels like less of a "just my own incapability" problem, when it is, very truthfully, a nature of reality problem. It's just physics!
Couldn’t put it better than that. I am definitely guilty of trying to cram too much into a limited amount of time.
I love thinking about life in periods, and particularly if there are young kids in the mix. Things change so quickly with kids--harder then easier then harder--and I am so prone in the hard moments to be like, "THIS IS IT, THIS IS HOW IT WILL ALWAYS BE, I WILL NEVER HAVE TIME TO WRITE AGAIN." This is my issue with the standard "work-life" balance effort as well. It usually focuses on balancing everything within one day or one week, versus over many years, which is way more realistic and humane. Thanks for writing this!
Nail. Head. You hit it.
Young kids really, REALLY change our experience, perspective, and expectations with time. And, well, literally everything else! Work, our bodies, our relationships—partners, parents, friends. Leisure time. Health.
I think it really does come down to Katie's point about being such an individualist society. So much change is unsustainable without a close-knit, reliable, trusted support network. But we're all trying (and have an unspoken social obligation) to do it all, all the time, all alone ... Well, alone as in individual, single-family units.
Anyway, all this to say: yes! Thank you for saying that. Realistic/humane timeframes for realistic/humane expectations, please!!!
Life in periods. Exactly. I'm out of the little kid stage. My daughter is in the thick of it though and feels much the same as you Katie. I think that is a universal feeling for mom's (not sure about dad's!) Wishing you moments of magic along the way. Take care. xo
P.S. I listened to the audiobook of "I'm glad my mother's dead" read by the author. It's well done and while hard to listen to at some points, at the end of the day, a really good book.
You wrote this at such a perfect time for me; I've been thinking a lot lately about how certain periods in our lives just will be harder no matter what we do and accepting that really helps to get through it rather than makes things harder by attributing the difficulty to some flaw within ourselves. Thanks for another thoughtful newsletter!
Yes! Some times are just harder. No judgment. They just are!
KHG. Thank you for this one and for the prompt.
NLK! Thank you for reading ❤️
NLK. Hi, I love and miss your faaaaaace.
I'll bring my face somewhere to see you! I'd love that! Also, trying to win the creepiest comment award!
🏆🏆🏆
This made me remember something I did when I was struggling with caring for a toddler and infant at the same time. I documented the hard parts, my exhaustion, sadness, rage, etc. I allowed myself to feel those feelings in private selfies because they were “inappropriate” or awkward to show to anyone else. It helped. So, not only consider documenting the joy, but maybe the struggle too.
Such a good point! Today was a day that has quite a few I could document!
Oh boy did I need this today. I'm working on learning online tools, Canva, Kittl, and ChatGPT to create printables. I'm taking a printables course where my expectations and reality are (both) parked parallel to success. I don't see an intersection. And it's been going on since December. Your post helped me out of my funk and allowed me to stop sniveling and take a hike in nature.
Tomorrow is another day.
I am so happy you were inspired to take a hike!!
just beautiful. thank you.
❤️
Thank you, Katie. This is the most perfect advice I never knew I needed. I’m thinking about starting my day with it every morning as an affirmation.
That is wonderful. Thank you, Amie!
*adds Tiny Beautiful Things to my TBR*
It’s wonderful!!
This was great! I separated from my dysfunctional partner and thought that was the hard thing. I mean...it was, but also, so is parenting and working and real life right now. I've been surprised at how hard the hard is without the super dumb hard. I LOVE hearing about other peoples problems and suffering, it helps me feel connected to others and like I'm a part of humanity, not isolated on a shame island by myself.
Yes! Shame islands are the worst!!
Oh I needed this today. Like, really, REALLY needed this. Thank you for saying all the affirming words so eloquently.
Thank you for reading it!!
I kind of feel like starting my memoir on Substack has become one big advice column to myself, although that's not what it was intended to be! Thank you for the link to your I Saw the Sign post. When I cannot listen to advice from my inner columnist, be open to those signs usually gets me through. Plus they are just so damn much fun!
Yes!!
Great piece. I like the different life periods. As a class teacher I love September and the refresh stage. Thanks for a great read.
Thanks, Jon!
You are so right Katie, life is hard and we aren't alone in it. So many times we feel alone with the struggle but we really aren't. Sometimes though we need to remind ourselves that we are human and not perfect. Some of what we expect in life when we want it doesn't always come to pass. That's why I don't make strict plans. When expectations are set lower, the disappointment if there is some won't be as bad. Thank you though for the reminder that I'm not alone.