I've always been someone who found it hard to say no to people (need it done, ask Chris); who always responded ASAP to work emails and texts at any hour, and who could never just sit and relax - I always was doing laundry or cleaning or anything but down time. But my mother's unexpected death at the end of November has changed all that. I realize now all the minutia of daily life will still be there and the world won't fall apart if I take time to myself. It's a work in progress but I am getting better at prioritizing myself.
"It’s a time to keep pushing, to aim higher, to do better, to get richer."
I've felt like someone has been chasing me for the bigger part of my life. Every minute, every day that is not spent chasing some grand goal has been "wasted" to me. There is no end and I can't do it anymore, it feels like my brain's burning.
The older I get (maybe becoming a parent is a part of this transformation), the more I feel like the less there is of everything, the better. But I don't know how to calm my brain and stop and smell the flowers. That's the worst of it.
When you wrote "The exhaustion, I realized, was dread," I felt *such* a stirring of recognition. Thank you for republishing this one—I needed to read it today!
Oh my gosh. First, this was an essay of yours I've had bookmarked and have read several times. Also! Wintering is SUCH a wonderful gift of a book ... both cozy and warm AND moving and profound. I know I'll be revisiting it (probably many times) in my life.
I related so much to Dimitar's comment about always feeling chased. But for me, I realize it's less about running toward some grand goal and more about just trying not to get caught (by what? Failure; getting in trouble, doing something wrong, messing up in some way/all the ways). It's like when I play a game; I don't really care at all about winning, I just don't want to lose. To win at life (to not lose at life!) is to always be vigilant about everything always.
I'm in a period of time where I'm needing my own wintering slowness of taking things off my plate and creating s p a c e ... and yet it can feel so incredibly threatening and uncomfortable.
The one thing I've found to be more helpful than anything in my imperfect endeavors at slowing down is other people sharing their words and experiences of also valuing and prioritizing *less.* It's one of the many reasons I love this newsletter so much; it helps break through the nonsense of our ridiculous culture and of my own sweet dumb brain.
I love this perspective! I wrote an article towards the beginning of December that is shockingly similar called " our winter busyness is unnatural." I was feeling exactly the same way, like all of nature was screaming at me to slow down but all of society was still cracking the whip behind me.
I'm glad that two years ago you followed your gut to take the rest you need, and I'm glad that the you of today has figured out some new coping mechanisms and ways of meeting your needs!
'Less is more' is a great mantra I have been fascinated by since discovering homeopathy in my early 20s. Winter is always a difficult time for me. It starts in October and finishes in March. Low energy. Depression. A feeling of dragging myself through treacle. Until this winter and I have worked to end the cycle. I have had weekly treatment with my Cranial Osteopath husband. 😃 I am walking almost every day dragging myself out whatever the weather. I am still pairing things back and aiming to get back to a much simpler and spacious life. And it's good to acknowledge that progress is being made albeit slowly. 😘 Within a few weeks of the shortest day here the birds started singing again. I think this much happen as the light changes. It's still winter but spring is on the way...
I recognise that feeling of exhaustion - the relentlessness of everything can be so draining. Your post has given me pause for thought - I'm coming out of a period of doing less, and already stressing about what it's going to look like to do more.
So now I'm thinking what if perhaps I don't do more? Maybe I stop making plans for what I think I SHOULD be doing and keep taking it slow for a bit longer during this season.
I'm so glad that you reposted this, Katie. I had not yet "met" you when it first ran. I'm a whole lot older than you are, but you are far wiser--I needed this. Thanks so much.
I've always been someone who found it hard to say no to people (need it done, ask Chris); who always responded ASAP to work emails and texts at any hour, and who could never just sit and relax - I always was doing laundry or cleaning or anything but down time. But my mother's unexpected death at the end of November has changed all that. I realize now all the minutia of daily life will still be there and the world won't fall apart if I take time to myself. It's a work in progress but I am getting better at prioritizing myself.
"It’s a time to keep pushing, to aim higher, to do better, to get richer."
I've felt like someone has been chasing me for the bigger part of my life. Every minute, every day that is not spent chasing some grand goal has been "wasted" to me. There is no end and I can't do it anymore, it feels like my brain's burning.
The older I get (maybe becoming a parent is a part of this transformation), the more I feel like the less there is of everything, the better. But I don't know how to calm my brain and stop and smell the flowers. That's the worst of it.
When you wrote "The exhaustion, I realized, was dread," I felt *such* a stirring of recognition. Thank you for republishing this one—I needed to read it today!
Oh my gosh. First, this was an essay of yours I've had bookmarked and have read several times. Also! Wintering is SUCH a wonderful gift of a book ... both cozy and warm AND moving and profound. I know I'll be revisiting it (probably many times) in my life.
I related so much to Dimitar's comment about always feeling chased. But for me, I realize it's less about running toward some grand goal and more about just trying not to get caught (by what? Failure; getting in trouble, doing something wrong, messing up in some way/all the ways). It's like when I play a game; I don't really care at all about winning, I just don't want to lose. To win at life (to not lose at life!) is to always be vigilant about everything always.
I'm in a period of time where I'm needing my own wintering slowness of taking things off my plate and creating s p a c e ... and yet it can feel so incredibly threatening and uncomfortable.
The one thing I've found to be more helpful than anything in my imperfect endeavors at slowing down is other people sharing their words and experiences of also valuing and prioritizing *less.* It's one of the many reasons I love this newsletter so much; it helps break through the nonsense of our ridiculous culture and of my own sweet dumb brain.
Throughout the day I complete all the NYT daily games. Wordle is the gateway drug 😂
However, I have rid of all social media besides Pinterest & YouTube.
I love this perspective! I wrote an article towards the beginning of December that is shockingly similar called " our winter busyness is unnatural." I was feeling exactly the same way, like all of nature was screaming at me to slow down but all of society was still cracking the whip behind me.
I'm glad that two years ago you followed your gut to take the rest you need, and I'm glad that the you of today has figured out some new coping mechanisms and ways of meeting your needs!
'Less is more' is a great mantra I have been fascinated by since discovering homeopathy in my early 20s. Winter is always a difficult time for me. It starts in October and finishes in March. Low energy. Depression. A feeling of dragging myself through treacle. Until this winter and I have worked to end the cycle. I have had weekly treatment with my Cranial Osteopath husband. 😃 I am walking almost every day dragging myself out whatever the weather. I am still pairing things back and aiming to get back to a much simpler and spacious life. And it's good to acknowledge that progress is being made albeit slowly. 😘 Within a few weeks of the shortest day here the birds started singing again. I think this much happen as the light changes. It's still winter but spring is on the way...
I recognise that feeling of exhaustion - the relentlessness of everything can be so draining. Your post has given me pause for thought - I'm coming out of a period of doing less, and already stressing about what it's going to look like to do more.
So now I'm thinking what if perhaps I don't do more? Maybe I stop making plans for what I think I SHOULD be doing and keep taking it slow for a bit longer during this season.
I'm so glad that you reposted this, Katie. I had not yet "met" you when it first ran. I'm a whole lot older than you are, but you are far wiser--I needed this. Thanks so much.
My old decrepit brain suggests to me that there are no ups and downs in life. Everything is just life.