Thank you for putting into words the feelings I never knew how to express when my fiancee died suddenly at age 36. But that was over 34 years ago. At that time I was a functioning alcoholic so his death just gave me something else to “drink at”.
I’m sober over 27 years now and when my mom died suddenly 22 years ago, I knew better how to process the grief. However, the second year was the worse for some reason, so I sought counseling where for three months I did nothing but read to her every letter I’d written to my mom since her death. It freed me immeasurably.
So wonderfully written thank you for sharing this throwback. It’s not easy to deal with jealousy when it’s current let alone revisit. You are beautifully brave and I always look forward to your newsletter popping up in my inbox. Everything you write is so honest and relatable and I feel less alone. Thank you!
First, I'm sorry that you are still struggling emotionally Katie. With great loss comes many confusing feelings and thoughts. The constant question of why comes to mind. A way to live with life as it is now is to appreciate more of what you have now. When we don't live in the now and appreciate it, there could be a time where the now will be gone as well.
I'm sitting here reading this while waiting to report my bank card stolen. I had just gotten some money and now...once again, I am broke. And yet I feel at peace. Reading your article was just what I needed to make that sense of gratitude and peace concrete. I truly admire your strength and your honest take with a silver lining around it. Thank you for sharing this part of yourself!
Thank you for putting into words what most of us feel, but don’t necessarily feel comfortable expressing. I remember when, as a single 30-year-old, I was going through chemotherapy & it was also the year I received more wedding invites & pregnancy announcements than ever. While I was happy for my friends, another part of me was thinking, how come they get this & I get cancer/chemo. I think it’s only natural & human to feel like this when your experience of life feels so out of synch with your friends’. But equally, as you say, there are practices we can use so we don’t become consumed by those feelings.
I also find remembering nothing lasts forever - not the good nor the bad - helpful. And that sometimes we’re the ones who have what others yearn for, and sometimes it’s vice versa, such is the flow of life’s cycles.
This came along at a perfect time. I’ve shared with my daughter who is in her 30’s. We had a similar conversation about this subject last night. Thanks for sharing. Enjoy your vacation!
I just started Beef on Sunday, so this is timely! (And I'm desperately trying not to read Delia Cai's review...)
I love the museum afternoon as self-care. I'm lucky enough to live in a city where nearly all the museums are free (and those that aren't typically offer one free day a month); going to one provides that much-needed uplift. Especially when it's the Air and Space Museum.
Hi Katie, I'm still new to substack but found your newsletter. Thank you for sharing this piece. It encapsulates many feelings and sentiments I have experienced and it's especially lovely to know where you're at now i.e. that things have changed.
Thank you for putting into words the feelings I never knew how to express when my fiancee died suddenly at age 36. But that was over 34 years ago. At that time I was a functioning alcoholic so his death just gave me something else to “drink at”.
I’m sober over 27 years now and when my mom died suddenly 22 years ago, I knew better how to process the grief. However, the second year was the worse for some reason, so I sought counseling where for three months I did nothing but read to her every letter I’d written to my mom since her death. It freed me immeasurably.
Thank you again for such an eloquent post. 🤗💕
So wonderfully written thank you for sharing this throwback. It’s not easy to deal with jealousy when it’s current let alone revisit. You are beautifully brave and I always look forward to your newsletter popping up in my inbox. Everything you write is so honest and relatable and I feel less alone. Thank you!
First, I'm sorry that you are still struggling emotionally Katie. With great loss comes many confusing feelings and thoughts. The constant question of why comes to mind. A way to live with life as it is now is to appreciate more of what you have now. When we don't live in the now and appreciate it, there could be a time where the now will be gone as well.
I'm sitting here reading this while waiting to report my bank card stolen. I had just gotten some money and now...once again, I am broke. And yet I feel at peace. Reading your article was just what I needed to make that sense of gratitude and peace concrete. I truly admire your strength and your honest take with a silver lining around it. Thank you for sharing this part of yourself!
I remember reading this the first time you published it ♥️♥️♥️
Thank you for putting into words what most of us feel, but don’t necessarily feel comfortable expressing. I remember when, as a single 30-year-old, I was going through chemotherapy & it was also the year I received more wedding invites & pregnancy announcements than ever. While I was happy for my friends, another part of me was thinking, how come they get this & I get cancer/chemo. I think it’s only natural & human to feel like this when your experience of life feels so out of synch with your friends’. But equally, as you say, there are practices we can use so we don’t become consumed by those feelings.
I also find remembering nothing lasts forever - not the good nor the bad - helpful. And that sometimes we’re the ones who have what others yearn for, and sometimes it’s vice versa, such is the flow of life’s cycles.
This came along at a perfect time. I’ve shared with my daughter who is in her 30’s. We had a similar conversation about this subject last night. Thanks for sharing. Enjoy your vacation!
I just started Beef on Sunday, so this is timely! (And I'm desperately trying not to read Delia Cai's review...)
I love the museum afternoon as self-care. I'm lucky enough to live in a city where nearly all the museums are free (and those that aren't typically offer one free day a month); going to one provides that much-needed uplift. Especially when it's the Air and Space Museum.
Hi Katie, I'm still new to substack but found your newsletter. Thank you for sharing this piece. It encapsulates many feelings and sentiments I have experienced and it's especially lovely to know where you're at now i.e. that things have changed.