I love the message of this post. So much of our stress and anxiety is self-inflicted chasing arbitrary standards. I know I'm guilty of that.
Buttttt I'm pretty sure I received a trophy in the mail for reaching Inbox zero. The world stopped to give me a standing ovation. That achievement felt good. (Only to have another email arrive almost instantaneously.)
Thank you for writing this. Very relatable. I put my own newsletter goal in the fridge, because it was a lot of work and sometimes it felt like I send my newsletter to a black hole. Off course I did get some response now and then, but not a whole lot. That’s part of why I react here, because only to know that someone read your letter and appreciated it means a lot. So thank you, because I liked reading it and felt it deeply.
Thank you, Sabine! I know what it’s like to feel like you’re writing into the void. It can be discouraging and lonely. Taking the time to comment means so much!
As a multi-neurodivergent person who suffers from chronic illness and pain, and as someone with multiple children, I used to push myself as if I were a single, childless, healthy, neurotypical person. My goalposts and self-imposed deadlines were entirely unattainable, and the life and path I was forcing myself on was potentially literally killing me.
I've been on a newsletter-writing hiatus since April, initially taken to get my declining health situation sorted. But what I found was that as soon as I stopped trying to produce a weekly post, within a roughly 9-day span, I was almost back to my (adjusted for chronic issues) health-baseline. Instead of jumping back in like I normally would, thinking I was all fixed and I just needed a mini-break, I took that time to journal for myself in lieu of writing posts. I did some self-exploration writing exercises and really chipped away at all the ways I was being completely unfair to myself, and setting unrealistic expectations and goals that were actually contributing to my extended bouts with chronic illness. Chronic stress intensifies chronic conditions/pain—go figure.
In this time away, I've gathered that not only understanding what each of our "strengths and weaknesses" are, what our general triggers (e.g., chronic stress equals constant illness and pain for me, etc.) are, and learning better ways to simply manage and go about our day-to-day life with these self-knowledge elements in mind, life feels so much more manageable and balanced now. And I can approach each day with grace because I actually scheduled and planned life and work around how *I* actually function best.
I know this is privileged, but working myself to the bone is what threw me in the health-hole I was stuck in for years anyhow. I hope others will be smarter than to wait to make improvements in the way they approach life and work *before* they break, and not wait until after out of necessity for survival.
As you said, there are no gold stars for anything we do in life. Sure, there will be random compliments and maybe increased income for jobs well done, but how we get there matters. We can do it broken or we can do it [more] whole.
Oh those dreaded S/U letters on the report cards. I loved this one, particularly the gold star comments. We put so much pressure on ourselves and for what? My Aunt used to have a saying that went "it all comes out in the wash" There are days when I have to ask myself whose measuring stick am I using today? Woo-wee. Thank you for this.
Katie, I’ll give you one nugget that my kids have told me they appreciate about the way we raised them. (The one thing you need to know is that my husband and I have differing views on many political and social issues.) We tried to eat dinner as a family as often as possible. No TV, and once they came into existence, no phones. 😉 So we talked. Not many topics were banned, and some were very lively discussions. It gave us valuable time to be together, and it taught them to share their views and thoughts while respecting others’. I suspect that you’re already well on the way to doing the same with your daughter. And I have no doubt in my mind that you’re a great mom.
I love this, Karen! I also grew up in a family that always ate dinner together at the table, and we’re doing the same now (though we do bend the rules for Friday dinner + movie nights!). I love that this tradition stuck with your kiddos — it’s such a great opportunity to share views and learn from each other.
amusingly the shiny star stickers we have go on the calendar when we remember to give my son his allowance that week. They're definitely for us, not him XD
I love the message of this post. So much of our stress and anxiety is self-inflicted chasing arbitrary standards. I know I'm guilty of that.
Buttttt I'm pretty sure I received a trophy in the mail for reaching Inbox zero. The world stopped to give me a standing ovation. That achievement felt good. (Only to have another email arrive almost instantaneously.)
Oh man! I'll have to update this post. I've never actually reached inbox zero so I made an assumption that there were no awards attached! ;)
😂 actually the trophy was a little Gmail message that says "No new mail!"
Ooh that *is* a gold star! 😂
Thank you for writing this. Very relatable. I put my own newsletter goal in the fridge, because it was a lot of work and sometimes it felt like I send my newsletter to a black hole. Off course I did get some response now and then, but not a whole lot. That’s part of why I react here, because only to know that someone read your letter and appreciated it means a lot. So thank you, because I liked reading it and felt it deeply.
Thank you, Sabine! I know what it’s like to feel like you’re writing into the void. It can be discouraging and lonely. Taking the time to comment means so much!
So beautifully said, Katie!
As a multi-neurodivergent person who suffers from chronic illness and pain, and as someone with multiple children, I used to push myself as if I were a single, childless, healthy, neurotypical person. My goalposts and self-imposed deadlines were entirely unattainable, and the life and path I was forcing myself on was potentially literally killing me.
I've been on a newsletter-writing hiatus since April, initially taken to get my declining health situation sorted. But what I found was that as soon as I stopped trying to produce a weekly post, within a roughly 9-day span, I was almost back to my (adjusted for chronic issues) health-baseline. Instead of jumping back in like I normally would, thinking I was all fixed and I just needed a mini-break, I took that time to journal for myself in lieu of writing posts. I did some self-exploration writing exercises and really chipped away at all the ways I was being completely unfair to myself, and setting unrealistic expectations and goals that were actually contributing to my extended bouts with chronic illness. Chronic stress intensifies chronic conditions/pain—go figure.
In this time away, I've gathered that not only understanding what each of our "strengths and weaknesses" are, what our general triggers (e.g., chronic stress equals constant illness and pain for me, etc.) are, and learning better ways to simply manage and go about our day-to-day life with these self-knowledge elements in mind, life feels so much more manageable and balanced now. And I can approach each day with grace because I actually scheduled and planned life and work around how *I* actually function best.
I know this is privileged, but working myself to the bone is what threw me in the health-hole I was stuck in for years anyhow. I hope others will be smarter than to wait to make improvements in the way they approach life and work *before* they break, and not wait until after out of necessity for survival.
As you said, there are no gold stars for anything we do in life. Sure, there will be random compliments and maybe increased income for jobs well done, but how we get there matters. We can do it broken or we can do it [more] whole.
I'm choosing the latter from now on.
Just lovely, Katie. Thank you! 💝
This is beautiful, Sara! Thank you so much for sharing. I'm really glad to hear you've found a more manageable, balanced approach to life.
Needed this today as a recovering eldest daughter straight A student - thank you ❤️
I’m so glad it resonated ❤️
Oh those dreaded S/U letters on the report cards. I loved this one, particularly the gold star comments. We put so much pressure on ourselves and for what? My Aunt used to have a saying that went "it all comes out in the wash" There are days when I have to ask myself whose measuring stick am I using today? Woo-wee. Thank you for this.
Woo-wee, indeed! Thanks, Lori. xo
Katie, I’ll give you one nugget that my kids have told me they appreciate about the way we raised them. (The one thing you need to know is that my husband and I have differing views on many political and social issues.) We tried to eat dinner as a family as often as possible. No TV, and once they came into existence, no phones. 😉 So we talked. Not many topics were banned, and some were very lively discussions. It gave us valuable time to be together, and it taught them to share their views and thoughts while respecting others’. I suspect that you’re already well on the way to doing the same with your daughter. And I have no doubt in my mind that you’re a great mom.
I love this, Karen! I also grew up in a family that always ate dinner together at the table, and we’re doing the same now (though we do bend the rules for Friday dinner + movie nights!). I love that this tradition stuck with your kiddos — it’s such a great opportunity to share views and learn from each other.
amusingly the shiny star stickers we have go on the calendar when we remember to give my son his allowance that week. They're definitely for us, not him XD
Ha! That image made me smile 😊