I buy greeting cards throughout the year, sometimes for specific people and other times cards I like that eventually find their way to people in my life; sometimes people who aren’t in my life when I bought them years prior.
I was searching for a Valentine’s Day card last night for someone and nothing was speaking to me. I ended up making one with my collection of hundreds of Sharpie pens and a kiss of glitter (don’t judge, I know I need help 😁) But that is not the important part of this story, it’s only the establishing shot.
I had tucked your tiny note and stickers in with my card library you sent last September. I sometimes do that when I get a feeling that cards I receive from other people will eventually inspire me for ideas, even though I don’t know when or how. I found your envelope (with the stickers I’ve been tearing my studio apart to find BTW 😁) and your note, along with the carefully addressed envelope. It gave me the inspiration I needed for the message inside the card.
I was reminded that our touch never really goes away, that we should default to kindness and that we’re all more interconnected than we think.
I love the idea of making life with your self more romantic, and your list of little actions you take to show yourself love really resonated with me :)
Feb 14, 2023·edited Feb 14, 2023Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar
I used to have this mindset that if I didn't want to do something right in the moment, then that was a problem for "future Amy." Turns out that was a horrible plan, because current Amy still had to deal with the impact of knowing I had things on my plate left to do. In the last few months I have tried a new approach, and have started treating my future self the way I would treat someone I am dating, and instead of putting their needs last and piling everything on them, I have started putting their needs first. I wouldn't leave an empty tank in the car for my partner, and I don't do that for my future self anymore either. I fill up on gas as soon as I need to, and my future self gets to enjoy driving home at the end of the day without having to do it. If I am at a restaurant and am starting to get full, I think about how excited future Amy is going to be about her awesome leftovers the next day at work if I go ahead and box up everything now, and how happy current Amy will be if I don't get overstuffed.
Last year I moved into a new house and I hated the dark purplish gray paint color (which I have dubbed "Decomposing Manatee") on the living room wall. Even though I didn't feel like it, one day I just started painting the walls a bright yellow. Once I got that momentum going, current Amy was so happy that I wasn't just sitting on the couch anymore and was up getting stuff done, and now future Amy gets to enjoy a bright sunny living room every time I walk in my house. The key to making this work, like any relationship, is showing gratitude for my "partner's" efforts and not taking them for granted, likely the same way your evening self thanks your morning self for making the bed. This year I paid for leaf removal in my yard, so current Amy got to enjoy the excitement of watching a giant vacuum truck suck up all my leaves, and the next weekend future Amy was so grateful when she got to spend her day on a brewery patio instead of raking.
Feb 14, 2023·edited Feb 14, 2023Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar
Thank you. This is my second Valentine's day without my husband, and I've been struggling to figure out why it feels harder than the first. I've been putting that energy into our son—helping him with his Valentines for school, buying him a Lego set and some Kit Kats in a heart-shaped box, keeping up our family tradition of "double lasagna" (a savory lasagna for dinner, "chocolate lasagna" for dessert—a concoction with an Oreo crust layered with chocolate pudding and a cream cheese/Cool Whip mixture).
Katie, this is wonderful. Spookily I've also just begun to appreciate that I am all I'll ever really have, and for once the thought doesn't freak me out or make me feel isolated or ostracised. I think, for me, part of this realisation has come from discovering I am both Autistic and ADHD within a year of one another at the grand old age of 59/60 and having something confirmatory to 'hang my hat of weirdness on'. Because up until then I'd only ever felt I counted or had any worth if someone else was telling me, or showing me, and since childhood I'd striven for other-acceptance. Now I realise that all (all!) I need to do is accept me for who I am, give her a hard stare every now and then and get on with making sure we're being as nice to Us as we can be.
Beautiful, beautiful piece Katie. Today, will be my 14th Valentine's Day with Rick but I had 36 Valentine's Day prior to that as a single person. I learned to cherish my meals out alone with a good book. It still is a favorite thing for me. Learning to love oneself is a life-long journey, a developing story, just like any love story a couple may experience. I am so grateful for the beautiful and amazing you! OXO
There’s a quote I enjoy. “Love yourself first. That’s the person you’re spending your whole life with.” Or something along those lines. It has helped get me through some rough times.
Your beautiful reflection reminded me of my dearest friend. On one of our many trips to our favorite local haunt in Athens, GA, for cheesecake and coffee, she said, "No matter where we go, we'll always have ourselves." Uncoincidentally, she's also a pro at loving herself, which seamlessly translates into how beautifully she loves others.
I took your last paragraph and print it. It would be my daily reminder to be kind to myself, something that is easily forgotten. Although I do make my bed :) And I try to pack a nice lunch everyday!
I buy greeting cards throughout the year, sometimes for specific people and other times cards I like that eventually find their way to people in my life; sometimes people who aren’t in my life when I bought them years prior.
I was searching for a Valentine’s Day card last night for someone and nothing was speaking to me. I ended up making one with my collection of hundreds of Sharpie pens and a kiss of glitter (don’t judge, I know I need help 😁) But that is not the important part of this story, it’s only the establishing shot.
I had tucked your tiny note and stickers in with my card library you sent last September. I sometimes do that when I get a feeling that cards I receive from other people will eventually inspire me for ideas, even though I don’t know when or how. I found your envelope (with the stickers I’ve been tearing my studio apart to find BTW 😁) and your note, along with the carefully addressed envelope. It gave me the inspiration I needed for the message inside the card.
I was reminded that our touch never really goes away, that we should default to kindness and that we’re all more interconnected than we think.
I love the idea of making life with your self more romantic, and your list of little actions you take to show yourself love really resonated with me :)
I used to have this mindset that if I didn't want to do something right in the moment, then that was a problem for "future Amy." Turns out that was a horrible plan, because current Amy still had to deal with the impact of knowing I had things on my plate left to do. In the last few months I have tried a new approach, and have started treating my future self the way I would treat someone I am dating, and instead of putting their needs last and piling everything on them, I have started putting their needs first. I wouldn't leave an empty tank in the car for my partner, and I don't do that for my future self anymore either. I fill up on gas as soon as I need to, and my future self gets to enjoy driving home at the end of the day without having to do it. If I am at a restaurant and am starting to get full, I think about how excited future Amy is going to be about her awesome leftovers the next day at work if I go ahead and box up everything now, and how happy current Amy will be if I don't get overstuffed.
Last year I moved into a new house and I hated the dark purplish gray paint color (which I have dubbed "Decomposing Manatee") on the living room wall. Even though I didn't feel like it, one day I just started painting the walls a bright yellow. Once I got that momentum going, current Amy was so happy that I wasn't just sitting on the couch anymore and was up getting stuff done, and now future Amy gets to enjoy a bright sunny living room every time I walk in my house. The key to making this work, like any relationship, is showing gratitude for my "partner's" efforts and not taking them for granted, likely the same way your evening self thanks your morning self for making the bed. This year I paid for leaf removal in my yard, so current Amy got to enjoy the excitement of watching a giant vacuum truck suck up all my leaves, and the next weekend future Amy was so grateful when she got to spend her day on a brewery patio instead of raking.
Thank you. This is my second Valentine's day without my husband, and I've been struggling to figure out why it feels harder than the first. I've been putting that energy into our son—helping him with his Valentines for school, buying him a Lego set and some Kit Kats in a heart-shaped box, keeping up our family tradition of "double lasagna" (a savory lasagna for dinner, "chocolate lasagna" for dessert—a concoction with an Oreo crust layered with chocolate pudding and a cream cheese/Cool Whip mixture).
Nice positive post Katie. You go girl!
Katie, this is wonderful. Spookily I've also just begun to appreciate that I am all I'll ever really have, and for once the thought doesn't freak me out or make me feel isolated or ostracised. I think, for me, part of this realisation has come from discovering I am both Autistic and ADHD within a year of one another at the grand old age of 59/60 and having something confirmatory to 'hang my hat of weirdness on'. Because up until then I'd only ever felt I counted or had any worth if someone else was telling me, or showing me, and since childhood I'd striven for other-acceptance. Now I realise that all (all!) I need to do is accept me for who I am, give her a hard stare every now and then and get on with making sure we're being as nice to Us as we can be.
This is such an exceptional piece. Thank you for writing this ❤️
Beautiful, beautiful piece Katie. Today, will be my 14th Valentine's Day with Rick but I had 36 Valentine's Day prior to that as a single person. I learned to cherish my meals out alone with a good book. It still is a favorite thing for me. Learning to love oneself is a life-long journey, a developing story, just like any love story a couple may experience. I am so grateful for the beautiful and amazing you! OXO
I really needed to read this article today. Thank Katie. Much love on this weird day.
There’s a quote I enjoy. “Love yourself first. That’s the person you’re spending your whole life with.” Or something along those lines. It has helped get me through some rough times.
Your beautiful reflection reminded me of my dearest friend. On one of our many trips to our favorite local haunt in Athens, GA, for cheesecake and coffee, she said, "No matter where we go, we'll always have ourselves." Uncoincidentally, she's also a pro at loving herself, which seamlessly translates into how beautifully she loves others.
Thank you for sharing your words, Katie!
I took your last paragraph and print it. It would be my daily reminder to be kind to myself, something that is easily forgotten. Although I do make my bed :) And I try to pack a nice lunch everyday!