I buy greeting cards throughout the year, sometimes for specific people and other times cards I like that eventually find their way to people in my life; sometimes people who aren’t in my life when I bought them years prior.
I was searching for a Valentine’s Day card last night for someone and nothing was speaking to me. I ended up making one with my collection of hundreds of Sharpie pens and a kiss of glitter (don’t judge, I know I need help 😁) But that is not the important part of this story, it’s only the establishing shot.
I had tucked your tiny note and stickers in with my card library you sent last September. I sometimes do that when I get a feeling that cards I receive from other people will eventually inspire me for ideas, even though I don’t know when or how. I found your envelope (with the stickers I’ve been tearing my studio apart to find BTW 😁) and your note, along with the carefully addressed envelope. It gave me the inspiration I needed for the message inside the card.
I was reminded that our touch never really goes away, that we should default to kindness and that we’re all more interconnected than we think.
Somewhere in all my endless reading, I followed the suggestion to write an inspirational love notecard to yourself,seal it and tuck it away to be found another day. It was such a simple self-care idea, yet monumental. Thanks for the reminder!
I love the idea of making life with your self more romantic, and your list of little actions you take to show yourself love really resonated with me :)
Feb 14, 2023·edited Feb 14, 2023Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar
I used to have this mindset that if I didn't want to do something right in the moment, then that was a problem for "future Amy." Turns out that was a horrible plan, because current Amy still had to deal with the impact of knowing I had things on my plate left to do. In the last few months I have tried a new approach, and have started treating my future self the way I would treat someone I am dating, and instead of putting their needs last and piling everything on them, I have started putting their needs first. I wouldn't leave an empty tank in the car for my partner, and I don't do that for my future self anymore either. I fill up on gas as soon as I need to, and my future self gets to enjoy driving home at the end of the day without having to do it. If I am at a restaurant and am starting to get full, I think about how excited future Amy is going to be about her awesome leftovers the next day at work if I go ahead and box up everything now, and how happy current Amy will be if I don't get overstuffed.
Last year I moved into a new house and I hated the dark purplish gray paint color (which I have dubbed "Decomposing Manatee") on the living room wall. Even though I didn't feel like it, one day I just started painting the walls a bright yellow. Once I got that momentum going, current Amy was so happy that I wasn't just sitting on the couch anymore and was up getting stuff done, and now future Amy gets to enjoy a bright sunny living room every time I walk in my house. The key to making this work, like any relationship, is showing gratitude for my "partner's" efforts and not taking them for granted, likely the same way your evening self thanks your morning self for making the bed. This year I paid for leaf removal in my yard, so current Amy got to enjoy the excitement of watching a giant vacuum truck suck up all my leaves, and the next weekend future Amy was so grateful when she got to spend her day on a brewery patio instead of raking.
I love this! I also used to create lots of problems for future Katie to handle. It's so much nicer to be kind to the future version of ourselves, isn't it? I also love the image of you watching the giant leaf vacuum cleaner. That sounds like a treat for current Amy, future Amy, and past (childlike) Amy. So fun!
Feb 14, 2023·edited Feb 14, 2023Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar
Thank you. This is my second Valentine's day without my husband, and I've been struggling to figure out why it feels harder than the first. I've been putting that energy into our son—helping him with his Valentines for school, buying him a Lego set and some Kit Kats in a heart-shaped box, keeping up our family tradition of "double lasagna" (a savory lasagna for dinner, "chocolate lasagna" for dessert—a concoction with an Oreo crust layered with chocolate pudding and a cream cheese/Cool Whip mixture).
Oh, what a tradition! That is so special—and so bittersweet. It's hard to experience holidays when they feel so different than they used to. I'm sending you a lot of love as you navigate a challenging day. Two years really is no time at all.
Thank you, Katie. ♥️ It's actually been 13 months. He died last January, on his 49th birthday. (I turn 49 myself this August; it will be painful to then be older than the partner who was always a year and a half ahead of me.)
The day before his birthday, I cried because I encountered a reference to Morris Day and the Time. Who were a plot point in "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back," just one of many movies we loved together. (Our shared sense of humor was not always sophisticated.)
Meanwhile, I have loved on my little guy, and this week we have both eaten a lot of lasagna!
Katie, this is wonderful. Spookily I've also just begun to appreciate that I am all I'll ever really have, and for once the thought doesn't freak me out or make me feel isolated or ostracised. I think, for me, part of this realisation has come from discovering I am both Autistic and ADHD within a year of one another at the grand old age of 59/60 and having something confirmatory to 'hang my hat of weirdness on'. Because up until then I'd only ever felt I counted or had any worth if someone else was telling me, or showing me, and since childhood I'd striven for other-acceptance. Now I realise that all (all!) I need to do is accept me for who I am, give her a hard stare every now and then and get on with making sure we're being as nice to Us as we can be.
Beautiful, beautiful piece Katie. Today, will be my 14th Valentine's Day with Rick but I had 36 Valentine's Day prior to that as a single person. I learned to cherish my meals out alone with a good book. It still is a favorite thing for me. Learning to love oneself is a life-long journey, a developing story, just like any love story a couple may experience. I am so grateful for the beautiful and amazing you! OXO
There’s a quote I enjoy. “Love yourself first. That’s the person you’re spending your whole life with.” Or something along those lines. It has helped get me through some rough times.
Your beautiful reflection reminded me of my dearest friend. On one of our many trips to our favorite local haunt in Athens, GA, for cheesecake and coffee, she said, "No matter where we go, we'll always have ourselves." Uncoincidentally, she's also a pro at loving herself, which seamlessly translates into how beautifully she loves others.
I took your last paragraph and print it. It would be my daily reminder to be kind to myself, something that is easily forgotten. Although I do make my bed :) And I try to pack a nice lunch everyday!
I buy greeting cards throughout the year, sometimes for specific people and other times cards I like that eventually find their way to people in my life; sometimes people who aren’t in my life when I bought them years prior.
I was searching for a Valentine’s Day card last night for someone and nothing was speaking to me. I ended up making one with my collection of hundreds of Sharpie pens and a kiss of glitter (don’t judge, I know I need help 😁) But that is not the important part of this story, it’s only the establishing shot.
I had tucked your tiny note and stickers in with my card library you sent last September. I sometimes do that when I get a feeling that cards I receive from other people will eventually inspire me for ideas, even though I don’t know when or how. I found your envelope (with the stickers I’ve been tearing my studio apart to find BTW 😁) and your note, along with the carefully addressed envelope. It gave me the inspiration I needed for the message inside the card.
I was reminded that our touch never really goes away, that we should default to kindness and that we’re all more interconnected than we think.
I love this story so much! It makes me really happy that a. you kept that note, and b. that you have a massive collection of Sharpie pens!
And glitter ✨!!
Somewhere in all my endless reading, I followed the suggestion to write an inspirational love notecard to yourself,seal it and tuck it away to be found another day. It was such a simple self-care idea, yet monumental. Thanks for the reminder!
This is such a great idea! 💌
I love the idea of making life with your self more romantic, and your list of little actions you take to show yourself love really resonated with me :)
Hooray! I love that. I also no longer hold back on lighting fancy candles, which is my true idea of romance! xo
I used to have this mindset that if I didn't want to do something right in the moment, then that was a problem for "future Amy." Turns out that was a horrible plan, because current Amy still had to deal with the impact of knowing I had things on my plate left to do. In the last few months I have tried a new approach, and have started treating my future self the way I would treat someone I am dating, and instead of putting their needs last and piling everything on them, I have started putting their needs first. I wouldn't leave an empty tank in the car for my partner, and I don't do that for my future self anymore either. I fill up on gas as soon as I need to, and my future self gets to enjoy driving home at the end of the day without having to do it. If I am at a restaurant and am starting to get full, I think about how excited future Amy is going to be about her awesome leftovers the next day at work if I go ahead and box up everything now, and how happy current Amy will be if I don't get overstuffed.
Last year I moved into a new house and I hated the dark purplish gray paint color (which I have dubbed "Decomposing Manatee") on the living room wall. Even though I didn't feel like it, one day I just started painting the walls a bright yellow. Once I got that momentum going, current Amy was so happy that I wasn't just sitting on the couch anymore and was up getting stuff done, and now future Amy gets to enjoy a bright sunny living room every time I walk in my house. The key to making this work, like any relationship, is showing gratitude for my "partner's" efforts and not taking them for granted, likely the same way your evening self thanks your morning self for making the bed. This year I paid for leaf removal in my yard, so current Amy got to enjoy the excitement of watching a giant vacuum truck suck up all my leaves, and the next weekend future Amy was so grateful when she got to spend her day on a brewery patio instead of raking.
I love this! I also used to create lots of problems for future Katie to handle. It's so much nicer to be kind to the future version of ourselves, isn't it? I also love the image of you watching the giant leaf vacuum cleaner. That sounds like a treat for current Amy, future Amy, and past (childlike) Amy. So fun!
Yes I was glued to the window like a kid waiting for Santa. It seriously got up a yard full of leaves in about three minutes! Wow!
Thank you. This is my second Valentine's day without my husband, and I've been struggling to figure out why it feels harder than the first. I've been putting that energy into our son—helping him with his Valentines for school, buying him a Lego set and some Kit Kats in a heart-shaped box, keeping up our family tradition of "double lasagna" (a savory lasagna for dinner, "chocolate lasagna" for dessert—a concoction with an Oreo crust layered with chocolate pudding and a cream cheese/Cool Whip mixture).
Oh, what a tradition! That is so special—and so bittersweet. It's hard to experience holidays when they feel so different than they used to. I'm sending you a lot of love as you navigate a challenging day. Two years really is no time at all.
Thank you, Katie. ♥️ It's actually been 13 months. He died last January, on his 49th birthday. (I turn 49 myself this August; it will be painful to then be older than the partner who was always a year and a half ahead of me.)
The day before his birthday, I cried because I encountered a reference to Morris Day and the Time. Who were a plot point in "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back," just one of many movies we loved together. (Our shared sense of humor was not always sophisticated.)
Meanwhile, I have loved on my little guy, and this week we have both eaten a lot of lasagna!
I remember turning older than my late husband ever would. That’s such a hard threshold to pass. Sending you lots of love and lasagna!
Nice positive post Katie. You go girl!
💖
Katie, this is wonderful. Spookily I've also just begun to appreciate that I am all I'll ever really have, and for once the thought doesn't freak me out or make me feel isolated or ostracised. I think, for me, part of this realisation has come from discovering I am both Autistic and ADHD within a year of one another at the grand old age of 59/60 and having something confirmatory to 'hang my hat of weirdness on'. Because up until then I'd only ever felt I counted or had any worth if someone else was telling me, or showing me, and since childhood I'd striven for other-acceptance. Now I realise that all (all!) I need to do is accept me for who I am, give her a hard stare every now and then and get on with making sure we're being as nice to Us as we can be.
I love these new discoveries, Debs!
This is such an exceptional piece. Thank you for writing this ❤️
That’s so kind. Thank you for reading!
Beautiful, beautiful piece Katie. Today, will be my 14th Valentine's Day with Rick but I had 36 Valentine's Day prior to that as a single person. I learned to cherish my meals out alone with a good book. It still is a favorite thing for me. Learning to love oneself is a life-long journey, a developing story, just like any love story a couple may experience. I am so grateful for the beautiful and amazing you! OXO
It really is a constant learning experience! I am grateful for the beautiful and amazing you too! xo
I really needed to read this article today. Thank Katie. Much love on this weird day.
Right back at you! xo
There’s a quote I enjoy. “Love yourself first. That’s the person you’re spending your whole life with.” Or something along those lines. It has helped get me through some rough times.
Yes!! It's so simple, but easy to forget.
Your beautiful reflection reminded me of my dearest friend. On one of our many trips to our favorite local haunt in Athens, GA, for cheesecake and coffee, she said, "No matter where we go, we'll always have ourselves." Uncoincidentally, she's also a pro at loving herself, which seamlessly translates into how beautifully she loves others.
Thank you for sharing your words, Katie!
This sounds like a friend tradition I can get behind! I love that. xo
I took your last paragraph and print it. It would be my daily reminder to be kind to myself, something that is easily forgotten. Although I do make my bed :) And I try to pack a nice lunch everyday!
PACKING A NICE LUNCH is such a gift to yourself! Sweet Dumb Brain editor Becca and I literally just talked about this last week!