I've been thinking about the idea of coming back to the same questions over and over again since editing this essay yesterday (hi, other readers! For those who may not know, I edit this newsletter!)
What if these questions are sort of like, our lives' touchstones? By framing them in this way, we shouldn't feel frustrated by always arriving at the same place, but rather we should seek it out from time to time. From reading all the comments so far, it seems to be a natural course for us all. So instead of seeing it as failure to grasp something (repeatedly), we then see it as life's natural reminder that even though we change and circumstances change, we can adapt. And the tool we have to do so? Revisiting the same, familiar questions that allow us to find the grounding needed to move forward, again. And again.
I'm also reminded of this early Sweet Dumb Brain piece (side note: KHG, why didn't I link this somewhere in the essay!?)
We always do. It's more like a spiral than a circle, in that when we return we are in a different place than the last time we came around to this question. And spirals are everywhere in nature!
Jul 25, 2023Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar, Rebecca Coates
I think I read in the Isolation Journals recently that when we want to help, we don’t have to be extraordinary, we can help from the place of who we are and what are gifts are. I am trying to keep this in mind when I think about whether I can help. Using my gifts doesn’t deplete me. I teach a creative writing class to adults not for the big bucks but because it fuels me. People also seem to love it. I think there are also periods where we can help less because our own lives are kicking us in the pants and we give ourselves grace and remind ourselves that the scales of friendship need not be perfectly balanced. I read What Looks Like Bravery recently. I think we talked about this book before but high achievement and ambition in response to trauma is real and I think these patterns probably take lifetimes to unravel and lots of gentle reminders. I don’t get tired of reading your posts on this topic.
Same. Same. Same. My pocket this week was inspired by something Suleika said to me about things blossoming in empty space. I’m inspired by that community every week. Here’s my pocket if you want to check it out. Cheers! https://pocketfulofprose.substack.com/p/making-room-for-joy
Jul 25, 2023Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar, Rebecca Coates
“When I first landed upon that mantra — doing less means that I can offer more — it felt like a small revelation. But now, as I’m writing about it, I feel kind of silly. Don’t I muse about some version of this topic all the time? What else is there to say about being busy and working too much? Why does it still feel like I’m discovering something new?”
This resonates so deeply. I feel this way often and it leaves me confused each time. Like why did this feel so revolutionary and big when it’s just the same thing I’ve been banging my head against for years now? As if I’m rediscovering the wheel I just invented last week; some sort of AHA amnesia.
Am I supposed to DO something with it? Make some plan, take some action? Or just let it continue to unfold over time. Probably maybe both.
Jul 25, 2023Liked by Rebecca Coates, Katie Hawkins-Gaar
Yes! I completely agree, both as a person and as a writer, I give myself such a hard time for always coming back to the same things and wondering - "why haven't I figured this out once and for all yet?!"
I suspect that's life though, and more common than we think. It's like in meditation, where you're always drifting off and then coming back to focus on the breath (or some other object of your choosing). And it's ok that you've drifted off - that's the practice. It helps to continually reframe and remind yourself of the same important lessons because it's so easy to get lost in the busyness of life and forget.
Jul 25, 2023Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar, Rebecca Coates
You know, I usually attribute it to walking a path that’s an upward spiral and that I’m revisiting this one point, yes, but from a new level, a new perspective.
But I REALLY like your point on it being a meditation. Because we’re not always striving, climbing, pushing forward. Life isn’t a forever looping ascent we’re forced to tirelessly hike.
I like the idea that the AHAs, our inner wisdom really, can come into focus and drift off. That it’s about mindfulness and sitting still long enough for it to come to us. That’s very lovely.
Y’all! I love this discussion. It really is like meditation. It doesn’t matter what the aha moment is, just that we make room for it and accept it without judgment. Thank for for this perspective!
Oh wow, Katie. I love all of this so much! (Also love The Magician; I always feel so excited when I pull that card.)
"But I don’t want to do less just for the sake of doing less. I want to do less to give myself space to become more." To become more, to give yourself space - the necessary space to do just that. That really hits home for me. This past year, I felt like I was doing so many things that didn't nourish me, things that were more so obligations to others, work-related things, to-do tasks. I was being pulled apart in so many different directions, and my energy just felt depleted. I felt depleted (and had many, many anxiety and panic attacks as a result, as well as dips into depression). I just felt like I had to *be* a specific someone to people, rather than just be me - for me. So I've been trying to control what I can control, set & maintain boundaries with others and myself, and do less - all while doing more of what makes me most alive. This was a great reminder for me to do that. Thank you.
And, about the "[musing] about some version of this topic all the time," I feel that I arrive at the same thing - except about self-worth. I feel I write about it again and again, just in a different angle, or in a deeper way. And I suppose that's life - discovering deeper truths to things we already know. It's made me feel a little inadequate though, or forgetful, that I can't seem to remember what I'd already arrived at time and time again. It's bewildering. But maybe, from a cosmic perspective, funny? (Not in a laugh-at-you/me way, but a laugh-with-and-for-you/me way, like in an endearing way - not sure if that makes sense at all, haha.)
Jul 25, 2023Liked by Rebecca Coates, Katie Hawkins-Gaar
I LOVE "doing less means I can offer more". And so often it means I can offer more presence.
The great thing about tarot is the same card can offer so many different meanings. I've taken a couple classes - by no means any kind of expert - but the woman who taught the classes always encourages us to look at the card we draw and notice what jumps out at us today, which might be something so different than what jumped out yesterday or the day before. The Magician is really early in the cycle of the major arcana, right after The Fool. I just opened my notebook and right at the bottom of that page, circled and highlighted in my notes it says, "What do you want to receive?" The key words I wrote were focus, direction, grounding, awareness and directing energy.
I love what you've done with it, that you've taken the card for what you needed from it. After all, the whole point of divination tools is to let our inner/larger/wiser self speak to us.
I love this take, Karen! It really speaks to the point of why we just revisit something over and over: Each time, we're bringing new experience, insight, struggle. So what we get out of it will, too, be new and different.
"I was frustrated by how little time I was spending writing, connecting with friends, doing fun things with my daughter, and tending to my own interests. While I was glad we were spending a rare evening at a friend’s house, I’d also been feeling a bit insecure; besides complaining about my workload — which, let’s be honest, no one wants to hear — I didn’t feel like I had much to offer to the conversation. I felt tired and boring. And now I was hit with a card telling me I needed to own my skills."
This sounds like me. 😞 and I hope to reach a stage when I can do less to do more but meanwhile, immediate work beckons.
The idea of rest and worth is something we’ll all be having BFOs (blinding flash of the obvious) about for the rest of our lives. Humans going to human.
Katie this really resonated with me. I have been trying out the last few months the notion of "filling my cup so full with goodness, self care, and beauty that it spills out on everyone around me." Way better than an empty cup that hurts both me and everyone around me. I don't have answers, it is all a journey, even a half century in. Thank you for your beautiful posts. Would love to grab a cup of coffee soon. :) Hugs.
As a "workaholic" (or perhaps just very Lutheran...), your mantra of "doing less means that I can offer more" really resonated with me. Achieving a sensible work/life-balance really requires a shift in mindset where not all focus is placed on work, but also on freeing up time. But this time should not always be used to offer more or to do more, I think, but could be a way to feel more free, more relaxed, and to just be in the moment.
I've been thinking about the idea of coming back to the same questions over and over again since editing this essay yesterday (hi, other readers! For those who may not know, I edit this newsletter!)
What if these questions are sort of like, our lives' touchstones? By framing them in this way, we shouldn't feel frustrated by always arriving at the same place, but rather we should seek it out from time to time. From reading all the comments so far, it seems to be a natural course for us all. So instead of seeing it as failure to grasp something (repeatedly), we then see it as life's natural reminder that even though we change and circumstances change, we can adapt. And the tool we have to do so? Revisiting the same, familiar questions that allow us to find the grounding needed to move forward, again. And again.
I'm also reminded of this early Sweet Dumb Brain piece (side note: KHG, why didn't I link this somewhere in the essay!?)
https://mysweetdumbbrain.substack.com/p/if-life-is-a-circle-is-there-even
We always do. It's more like a spiral than a circle, in that when we return we are in a different place than the last time we came around to this question. And spirals are everywhere in nature!
I had the same thought about the spiral essay! Ah, well. One to resurface another time!
I think I read in the Isolation Journals recently that when we want to help, we don’t have to be extraordinary, we can help from the place of who we are and what are gifts are. I am trying to keep this in mind when I think about whether I can help. Using my gifts doesn’t deplete me. I teach a creative writing class to adults not for the big bucks but because it fuels me. People also seem to love it. I think there are also periods where we can help less because our own lives are kicking us in the pants and we give ourselves grace and remind ourselves that the scales of friendship need not be perfectly balanced. I read What Looks Like Bravery recently. I think we talked about this book before but high achievement and ambition in response to trauma is real and I think these patterns probably take lifetimes to unravel and lots of gentle reminders. I don’t get tired of reading your posts on this topic.
You are so generous, Mary! Just one of your many gifts. xo
Thank you! I’m sipping this kindness in today.
Love the Isolation Journals, Mary. They speak to me.
Same. Same. Same. My pocket this week was inspired by something Suleika said to me about things blossoming in empty space. I’m inspired by that community every week. Here’s my pocket if you want to check it out. Cheers! https://pocketfulofprose.substack.com/p/making-room-for-joy
“When I first landed upon that mantra — doing less means that I can offer more — it felt like a small revelation. But now, as I’m writing about it, I feel kind of silly. Don’t I muse about some version of this topic all the time? What else is there to say about being busy and working too much? Why does it still feel like I’m discovering something new?”
This resonates so deeply. I feel this way often and it leaves me confused each time. Like why did this feel so revolutionary and big when it’s just the same thing I’ve been banging my head against for years now? As if I’m rediscovering the wheel I just invented last week; some sort of AHA amnesia.
Am I supposed to DO something with it? Make some plan, take some action? Or just let it continue to unfold over time. Probably maybe both.
Yes! I completely agree, both as a person and as a writer, I give myself such a hard time for always coming back to the same things and wondering - "why haven't I figured this out once and for all yet?!"
I suspect that's life though, and more common than we think. It's like in meditation, where you're always drifting off and then coming back to focus on the breath (or some other object of your choosing). And it's ok that you've drifted off - that's the practice. It helps to continually reframe and remind yourself of the same important lessons because it's so easy to get lost in the busyness of life and forget.
You know, I usually attribute it to walking a path that’s an upward spiral and that I’m revisiting this one point, yes, but from a new level, a new perspective.
But I REALLY like your point on it being a meditation. Because we’re not always striving, climbing, pushing forward. Life isn’t a forever looping ascent we’re forced to tirelessly hike.
I like the idea that the AHAs, our inner wisdom really, can come into focus and drift off. That it’s about mindfulness and sitting still long enough for it to come to us. That’s very lovely.
Y’all! I love this discussion. It really is like meditation. It doesn’t matter what the aha moment is, just that we make room for it and accept it without judgment. Thank for for this perspective!
Thank you for creating this community to talk it out!
Oh wow, Katie. I love all of this so much! (Also love The Magician; I always feel so excited when I pull that card.)
"But I don’t want to do less just for the sake of doing less. I want to do less to give myself space to become more." To become more, to give yourself space - the necessary space to do just that. That really hits home for me. This past year, I felt like I was doing so many things that didn't nourish me, things that were more so obligations to others, work-related things, to-do tasks. I was being pulled apart in so many different directions, and my energy just felt depleted. I felt depleted (and had many, many anxiety and panic attacks as a result, as well as dips into depression). I just felt like I had to *be* a specific someone to people, rather than just be me - for me. So I've been trying to control what I can control, set & maintain boundaries with others and myself, and do less - all while doing more of what makes me most alive. This was a great reminder for me to do that. Thank you.
And, about the "[musing] about some version of this topic all the time," I feel that I arrive at the same thing - except about self-worth. I feel I write about it again and again, just in a different angle, or in a deeper way. And I suppose that's life - discovering deeper truths to things we already know. It's made me feel a little inadequate though, or forgetful, that I can't seem to remember what I'd already arrived at time and time again. It's bewildering. But maybe, from a cosmic perspective, funny? (Not in a laugh-at-you/me way, but a laugh-with-and-for-you/me way, like in an endearing way - not sure if that makes sense at all, haha.)
hahah your comment made me laugh and smile. Funny indeed! I relate to all of this. xo
I LOVE "doing less means I can offer more". And so often it means I can offer more presence.
The great thing about tarot is the same card can offer so many different meanings. I've taken a couple classes - by no means any kind of expert - but the woman who taught the classes always encourages us to look at the card we draw and notice what jumps out at us today, which might be something so different than what jumped out yesterday or the day before. The Magician is really early in the cycle of the major arcana, right after The Fool. I just opened my notebook and right at the bottom of that page, circled and highlighted in my notes it says, "What do you want to receive?" The key words I wrote were focus, direction, grounding, awareness and directing energy.
I love what you've done with it, that you've taken the card for what you needed from it. After all, the whole point of divination tools is to let our inner/larger/wiser self speak to us.
I love this take, Karen! It really speaks to the point of why we just revisit something over and over: Each time, we're bringing new experience, insight, struggle. So what we get out of it will, too, be new and different.
Yes! 100%. I no longer think of it as "the same old issue" coming up because each time we go around that spiral we are different.
Yes, yes, yes! Hope you don't mind my sharing a post I wrote on this exact topic. As an ADHDer, it's an ongoing lesson :) https://open.substack.com/pub/celebration/p/do-less-the-wisdom-of-subtraction?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=1l33k
I love this! The quest to do Everything is so hard-wired. You described it beautifully.
Thank you so much Katie!
Insightful
Just what i needed. A comforting read on the night of moon and Saturday . Thank you for this. As i read, the theme of Braveheart was playing
I love this. I’m trying to do less every day is it’s working out splendidly.
Goals!
"I was frustrated by how little time I was spending writing, connecting with friends, doing fun things with my daughter, and tending to my own interests. While I was glad we were spending a rare evening at a friend’s house, I’d also been feeling a bit insecure; besides complaining about my workload — which, let’s be honest, no one wants to hear — I didn’t feel like I had much to offer to the conversation. I felt tired and boring. And now I was hit with a card telling me I needed to own my skills."
This sounds like me. 😞 and I hope to reach a stage when I can do less to do more but meanwhile, immediate work beckons.
Yes! It’s one thing to want to do less. It’s another to actually figure out how that happens. I feel you!
I read your life affirming essay and immediately felt inadequate for my own recent-ish meditation on doing less https://open.substack.com/pub/armchairrebel/p/doing-less-for-no-good-reason
The idea of rest and worth is something we’ll all be having BFOs (blinding flash of the obvious) about for the rest of our lives. Humans going to human.
BFOs! I love that. And you shouldn’t feel inadequate in the slightest. I love what you wrote and the questions you posed! So thoughtful and relatable.
Thank you for the kind reply - I guess rest is an Idea Whose Time Has Come. Have you read Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey (aka The Nap Bishop)?
I haven’t yet! I’ve heard great things, though. It’s on my list!
Katie this really resonated with me. I have been trying out the last few months the notion of "filling my cup so full with goodness, self care, and beauty that it spills out on everyone around me." Way better than an empty cup that hurts both me and everyone around me. I don't have answers, it is all a journey, even a half century in. Thank you for your beautiful posts. Would love to grab a cup of coffee soon. :) Hugs.
I love this! And would definitely love to get coffee soon.
As a "workaholic" (or perhaps just very Lutheran...), your mantra of "doing less means that I can offer more" really resonated with me. Achieving a sensible work/life-balance really requires a shift in mindset where not all focus is placed on work, but also on freeing up time. But this time should not always be used to offer more or to do more, I think, but could be a way to feel more free, more relaxed, and to just be in the moment.
I love this. I’m trying to do less every day is it’s working out splendidly.