My husband and I actually launched a family newsletter on Mail Chimp over the weekend in anticipation of welcoming our first child next month. It feels a little dorky and is definitely more work than writing a quick Instagram post, but we both agreed that we don't want to put pictures of our child on the internet (inspired by you and Billy, in part, KHG!), and this seemed like a saner, more thoughtful way to share news and photos with our loved ones.
I use Twitter and Instagram nearly daily, and I stripped my Facebook profile a few years ago (although I technically still have it for some work-related tasks), and yet rarely does a phone call with my mom go by without her saying, "Did you see ____ on Facebook?" She considers it a community lifeline, which can make me crazy as someone who doesn't feel the need to maintain connection with third- and fourth-circle acquaintances and beyond. In those moments, I do my best to remind myself that that's her version of community, and it's OK that mine can look different.
Katie this one really hit home for me! I've been debating my relationship with social media for a few months now. It started by just questioning why am I posting things? I think it finally boiled down to validation or attention. Instagram is my hardest to let go, but I also get stuck on Reddit reading the same things and feeling kind of gross and bored, even though I know I'm constantly refreshing to that sweet ADHD dopamine hit I get from it. My Instagram use has cut way down and I've been trying to pick up a book when I find myself getting sucked into social media. Recognizing those feelings can be hard though and it's not always easy to stop and break the habit.
I have been trying to keep a book close by at all times too for this same reason! It sometimes works, but not always. (The Kindle app on my phone definitely comes in handy here.) Thanks for chiming in!
I agree with your sentiments around social media, totally. The issue I've found with quitting (Instagram specifically) is the damn algorithm. If I want to maintain a "presence" for business purposes, but then ghost for a while, the algorithm moves me to the back of the line so that when I return, my posts get very few impressions. Unfortunately, the app promotes use and the more you use, the more it bumps you to the top of peoples' feeds. On the grand scheme of things, I don't think Instagram is crucial to my business's success, but I'd like to think that it helps with the word-of-mouth referrals I get. I fear it remains to be the necessary evil of our day. Thanks for providing an alternative message and proving that life goes on OFF of the socials. ◡̈
TOTALLY. The longer I'm off social media, the more it's hurting my chances of growing this newsletter or, down the road, getting a big enough following for a publisher to take a chance on me for a book. It's a necessary evil, indeed. The trade-offs are so real.
Sarah, I feel this so deeply! I’m in the process of trying to quit Instagram at the moment but I’m scared of the impact this might have on my business. I’m thinking of keeping it and using it in this ‘ghosting’ way and just accepting that I might always be back of the queue. But at least if people actively seek me out on there I’ll have some kind of presence.
Brilliantly elaborated as ever, Katie! My sosh meeds habits have transitioned almost fully to ‘lurker’ status, so Twitter and Reddit are my daily fixes. I have conveniently convinced myself that because I’m not really posting, I’m not searching for that sweet sweet validation, but when I do make a post, you can bet I’m refreshing the damn app 47 times an hour. I really enjoy being a person who’s actually just three memes in a trench coat and the constant new information (look, I’m learning facts about the universe!) really appeals to my ADHD brain, but I know I turn to both of these platforms to try to stave off boredom/drudgery. Instead of feeling very fulfilling, it just makes my time disappear. What you’ve written about balance is something I’m still working toward, too!
Whew, writing something that gets you commenting and out of lurker status truly feels like the biggest achievement! Ha. I love you and your ADHD brain, and honestly, I feel like you do a really good job of enlightening everyone else with your random internet finds. xo
Katie, I have SO many feelings about this and have it on my long list of topics to write about that hopefully I'll eventually get to. I have a love-hate with social media. I use it for my job and for occasional self promotion, so in that way it feels necessary. And especially as a mom, it has been a HUGE lifeline to me, connecting me with amazing moms who've become good friends of mine. I also love it to connect with other writers. And I learn a lot from twitter and various updates, especially during Covid. But so much of it is toxic. Last night I was just mindlessly scrolling on instagram, and literally yelled at myself to stop after I'd wasted so much time that I'd intended to use for other things. Ugh. I'm not brave enough yet to cut it out and not sure I ever will be. But I could definitely benefit from some boundaries. Thanks for the reminder!
Oh my gosh, Stephanie, I have also literally yelled at myself to get off my phone. Glad I'm not the only one! The push and pull you described here is so perfect. I especially relate to the need for community as a mom. That's a big reason to stay online!
You’re doing the right thing. I was happiest in the six months I was off social after I left my job and had y started another. Now that I’m working again to do my job well I have to follow social to keep up on important news of our industry and plan accordingly. I hate it. I can’t wait to quit social again when I don’t have to be on it for work. At the very least, I only check Twitter and Reddit at my desk on a browser. No apps no phone etc. boundaries work wonders.
So perfectly expressed. It's such a beast. I had to delete FB from my phone, as it was the one stealing most of my attention and was just a roller coaster of emotion and anxiety. In addition to the stress and guilt you talked about in keeping up with the timeline, I found myself letting my own posts crush me. Everything from "let me open up about something" to "dumb joke about nothing" just sat on my chest for hours, sometimes days, afterwards. Here I am losing focused, productive hours out of my day to anxiety as I'm worried about what someone I've barely spoken to in 3 years thinks about some aimless thing I wrote for no one in particular. Outrageous.
Of course then I logged back in on my PC after a week or two and saw how many events I'd missed hearing about (around Halloween no less), and I saw the inescapable trap they've laid...
I really think more people should be "announcing their departure" so to speak, although the fear of ridicule kept me from earnestly posting about what FB was doing to my mental health (another reason to just get away from it). But damn I think everyone should be shouting it from the rooftops when they log off. It should be celebrated like retirement!!
First, hi Eli! It's always so good to hear from you. Second, I so relate to the feeling you described of "letting my own posts crush me." I've experienced that too, and it is a ridiculous—albeit real—feeling. Time and again, I keep wondering why I am giving so much of my time and energy and thoughts to a platform and THEN letting the response (or lack thereof) have such an effect on me? You are most definitely not alone here.
And I hear you on wishing that more people were transparent about announcing a departure. For me, I think I feel a little sheepish about it. If I announce a departure and then come slinking back, that's embarrassing. I also worry about sounding high and mighty—deciding to get off social media isn't easy and it is definitely imperfect, and that's hard to explain in a short post. So I just kind of quietly disappear, which doesn't feel great either!
Anyway, always good to hear from you. Here's to protecting our time and mental health! xo
You expressed beautifully the pros and cons of going semi-dark on social media, which I did almost two years ago. Facebook was the most problematic for me, and quitting it improved my mental health immediately. Yes, I sometimes miss important updates from not-so-close friends. I do occasionally feel alienated when I'm in a group where people dip in and out of the conversation while checking their feeds. But for me, the benefits have far outweighed the costs. I can focus better during the day and sleep better at night without the distraction, anxiety and self-doubt created and provoked by the algorithm.
You've articulated so beautifully what I have been experiencing over the past few months. My mental health is better the less time I spend on it, but I've also missed news, events, births, and deaths. Also, since I've been using facebook and instagram like a diary, I feel like I've missed out on documenting key moments of my daughter's life. I really like your solution to prune back to focus only on family and close friends and will try that myself.
I signed on to Facebook in 2004. I regretted that choice before 2005: it was boring, offensive and a huge waste of time. I felt blessed when Facebook Suicide emerged. It was sabotaged and you know what? I'm still signed on but I get nothing whatever from the F* place, thank g_d.
I'm not much like you or most of your other fans, obviously. The place I belong is nowhere, and I'm perfectly contented with that. Attention has never been a happy experience for me. I guess that's why I share none of your reactions.
Justin, the fact that you keep reading and commenting despite coming from a different place is pretty amazing! Thanks for showing up and sharing your perspective.
Your journey with social media resonates deeply with me. It's like you've captured the whirlwind of emotions I've experienced every time I opened those apps. I, too, reached a breaking point and decided to take a hiatus. But what I found during my break was a newfound sense of clarity and peace.
At Peak Neuro, we understand the power of finding balance in our digital lives. We believe in nurturing our minds and fostering genuine connections beyond the screen. If you're on a similar journey to reclaim your mental well-being, I invite you to explore our offerings at peakneuro.com.au. Together, let's rewrite our story with a healthier mindset.
Very interesting piece to read Katie. I just recently published a piece talking about my own social media detachment and see a great many similarities. For me, once it became graphic-based it was the gigantic competitive beast out to consume and destroy everything in it's path. So I just stopped using it. My 'workaround' now as I go about re-embracing it is simply not to allow these apps to make it onto my phone. They function just fine as a desktop activity, and I can't be disturbed in my daily activities, I make the time and do it all at once. Keep up the good work and keep away from the negative spirals of social media :)
My social media amounts to “proof of life,” “proof that I’m ‘ok’” … alive enough and ok enough to keep people at bay. As long as I post regularly, they won’t worry that I’m not ok. I post mostly to keep them comfortable that they don’t have to check on me.
I'm grateful for your kind acknowledgement of my "presence"with your wisdom. But way beyond that I'm absolutely gobsmacked by this week's offer. That's because I'm in intense pain with dry eyes. My tears have gone AWOL and the drops I'm provided with operate for about 10 minutes top. To the best of my fragmented memory I haven't wept since I was 6 and starting my career in the schoolyard Lynch mob that drove me into PTSD for about 50 years, give or take. They relished making me weep, so I stopped to deprive them of that satisfaction at least. I succeeded in that task but not at all in trying to fight back, which grew more intense every recess.
I'm persuaded that today's condition results at least in part from allergy, since it vanishes when I go outdoors. Perhaps I might regain that emotional necessity.
Wow, I’m so glad I’ve discovered your newsletter — this post is so timely! I tried to go cold turkey by deleting Instagram a few days ago. But, they give you a month to back out and I’ve already reactivated my account. (The shame). Even after I shared that I was going to delete it as “it felt like the next right thing”. I now feel like a massive dork but also kind of human… it’s not as simple as just deleting and moving on when it feels like everyone else is very much in the thick of it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts so eloquently. It feels like you’re in my head!
Raven, I was just having a conversation today with my newsletter editor (and dear friend!) Becca and she was expressing such similar observations about writing and social media. "I needed the psychic space to hear myself!" is such a smart way to put it. Thank you for sharing!
My husband and I actually launched a family newsletter on Mail Chimp over the weekend in anticipation of welcoming our first child next month. It feels a little dorky and is definitely more work than writing a quick Instagram post, but we both agreed that we don't want to put pictures of our child on the internet (inspired by you and Billy, in part, KHG!), and this seemed like a saner, more thoughtful way to share news and photos with our loved ones.
I use Twitter and Instagram nearly daily, and I stripped my Facebook profile a few years ago (although I technically still have it for some work-related tasks), and yet rarely does a phone call with my mom go by without her saying, "Did you see ____ on Facebook?" She considers it a community lifeline, which can make me crazy as someone who doesn't feel the need to maintain connection with third- and fourth-circle acquaintances and beyond. In those moments, I do my best to remind myself that that's her version of community, and it's OK that mine can look different.
Oh my gosh, do we have the same mom?! I have the same experience! And I love the family newsletter idea! It's dorky in the very best, sweetest way. xo
Katie this one really hit home for me! I've been debating my relationship with social media for a few months now. It started by just questioning why am I posting things? I think it finally boiled down to validation or attention. Instagram is my hardest to let go, but I also get stuck on Reddit reading the same things and feeling kind of gross and bored, even though I know I'm constantly refreshing to that sweet ADHD dopamine hit I get from it. My Instagram use has cut way down and I've been trying to pick up a book when I find myself getting sucked into social media. Recognizing those feelings can be hard though and it's not always easy to stop and break the habit.
I have been trying to keep a book close by at all times too for this same reason! It sometimes works, but not always. (The Kindle app on my phone definitely comes in handy here.) Thanks for chiming in!
I agree with your sentiments around social media, totally. The issue I've found with quitting (Instagram specifically) is the damn algorithm. If I want to maintain a "presence" for business purposes, but then ghost for a while, the algorithm moves me to the back of the line so that when I return, my posts get very few impressions. Unfortunately, the app promotes use and the more you use, the more it bumps you to the top of peoples' feeds. On the grand scheme of things, I don't think Instagram is crucial to my business's success, but I'd like to think that it helps with the word-of-mouth referrals I get. I fear it remains to be the necessary evil of our day. Thanks for providing an alternative message and proving that life goes on OFF of the socials. ◡̈
TOTALLY. The longer I'm off social media, the more it's hurting my chances of growing this newsletter or, down the road, getting a big enough following for a publisher to take a chance on me for a book. It's a necessary evil, indeed. The trade-offs are so real.
Sarah, I feel this so deeply! I’m in the process of trying to quit Instagram at the moment but I’m scared of the impact this might have on my business. I’m thinking of keeping it and using it in this ‘ghosting’ way and just accepting that I might always be back of the queue. But at least if people actively seek me out on there I’ll have some kind of presence.
Brilliantly elaborated as ever, Katie! My sosh meeds habits have transitioned almost fully to ‘lurker’ status, so Twitter and Reddit are my daily fixes. I have conveniently convinced myself that because I’m not really posting, I’m not searching for that sweet sweet validation, but when I do make a post, you can bet I’m refreshing the damn app 47 times an hour. I really enjoy being a person who’s actually just three memes in a trench coat and the constant new information (look, I’m learning facts about the universe!) really appeals to my ADHD brain, but I know I turn to both of these platforms to try to stave off boredom/drudgery. Instead of feeling very fulfilling, it just makes my time disappear. What you’ve written about balance is something I’m still working toward, too!
Whew, writing something that gets you commenting and out of lurker status truly feels like the biggest achievement! Ha. I love you and your ADHD brain, and honestly, I feel like you do a really good job of enlightening everyone else with your random internet finds. xo
Also lol @ "a person who's actually just three memes in a trench coat."
Katie, I have SO many feelings about this and have it on my long list of topics to write about that hopefully I'll eventually get to. I have a love-hate with social media. I use it for my job and for occasional self promotion, so in that way it feels necessary. And especially as a mom, it has been a HUGE lifeline to me, connecting me with amazing moms who've become good friends of mine. I also love it to connect with other writers. And I learn a lot from twitter and various updates, especially during Covid. But so much of it is toxic. Last night I was just mindlessly scrolling on instagram, and literally yelled at myself to stop after I'd wasted so much time that I'd intended to use for other things. Ugh. I'm not brave enough yet to cut it out and not sure I ever will be. But I could definitely benefit from some boundaries. Thanks for the reminder!
Oh my gosh, Stephanie, I have also literally yelled at myself to get off my phone. Glad I'm not the only one! The push and pull you described here is so perfect. I especially relate to the need for community as a mom. That's a big reason to stay online!
You’re doing the right thing. I was happiest in the six months I was off social after I left my job and had y started another. Now that I’m working again to do my job well I have to follow social to keep up on important news of our industry and plan accordingly. I hate it. I can’t wait to quit social again when I don’t have to be on it for work. At the very least, I only check Twitter and Reddit at my desk on a browser. No apps no phone etc. boundaries work wonders.
"Boundaries work wonders." Yes! I think I need to write this on a post-it note to look at daily.
So perfectly expressed. It's such a beast. I had to delete FB from my phone, as it was the one stealing most of my attention and was just a roller coaster of emotion and anxiety. In addition to the stress and guilt you talked about in keeping up with the timeline, I found myself letting my own posts crush me. Everything from "let me open up about something" to "dumb joke about nothing" just sat on my chest for hours, sometimes days, afterwards. Here I am losing focused, productive hours out of my day to anxiety as I'm worried about what someone I've barely spoken to in 3 years thinks about some aimless thing I wrote for no one in particular. Outrageous.
Of course then I logged back in on my PC after a week or two and saw how many events I'd missed hearing about (around Halloween no less), and I saw the inescapable trap they've laid...
I really think more people should be "announcing their departure" so to speak, although the fear of ridicule kept me from earnestly posting about what FB was doing to my mental health (another reason to just get away from it). But damn I think everyone should be shouting it from the rooftops when they log off. It should be celebrated like retirement!!
Anyway I'm so glad you wrote this.
First, hi Eli! It's always so good to hear from you. Second, I so relate to the feeling you described of "letting my own posts crush me." I've experienced that too, and it is a ridiculous—albeit real—feeling. Time and again, I keep wondering why I am giving so much of my time and energy and thoughts to a platform and THEN letting the response (or lack thereof) have such an effect on me? You are most definitely not alone here.
And I hear you on wishing that more people were transparent about announcing a departure. For me, I think I feel a little sheepish about it. If I announce a departure and then come slinking back, that's embarrassing. I also worry about sounding high and mighty—deciding to get off social media isn't easy and it is definitely imperfect, and that's hard to explain in a short post. So I just kind of quietly disappear, which doesn't feel great either!
Anyway, always good to hear from you. Here's to protecting our time and mental health! xo
You expressed beautifully the pros and cons of going semi-dark on social media, which I did almost two years ago. Facebook was the most problematic for me, and quitting it improved my mental health immediately. Yes, I sometimes miss important updates from not-so-close friends. I do occasionally feel alienated when I'm in a group where people dip in and out of the conversation while checking their feeds. But for me, the benefits have far outweighed the costs. I can focus better during the day and sleep better at night without the distraction, anxiety and self-doubt created and provoked by the algorithm.
Thank you for sharing these benefits! I've experienced all of this too (along with the costs you described). Glad I'm not alone here!
You've articulated so beautifully what I have been experiencing over the past few months. My mental health is better the less time I spend on it, but I've also missed news, events, births, and deaths. Also, since I've been using facebook and instagram like a diary, I feel like I've missed out on documenting key moments of my daughter's life. I really like your solution to prune back to focus only on family and close friends and will try that myself.
I hope that helps, Wren! Like I wrote, it's not a perfect solution, but it's mostly working for me. xo
I signed on to Facebook in 2004. I regretted that choice before 2005: it was boring, offensive and a huge waste of time. I felt blessed when Facebook Suicide emerged. It was sabotaged and you know what? I'm still signed on but I get nothing whatever from the F* place, thank g_d.
I'm not much like you or most of your other fans, obviously. The place I belong is nowhere, and I'm perfectly contented with that. Attention has never been a happy experience for me. I guess that's why I share none of your reactions.
Justin, the fact that you keep reading and commenting despite coming from a different place is pretty amazing! Thanks for showing up and sharing your perspective.
Your journey with social media resonates deeply with me. It's like you've captured the whirlwind of emotions I've experienced every time I opened those apps. I, too, reached a breaking point and decided to take a hiatus. But what I found during my break was a newfound sense of clarity and peace.
At Peak Neuro, we understand the power of finding balance in our digital lives. We believe in nurturing our minds and fostering genuine connections beyond the screen. If you're on a similar journey to reclaim your mental well-being, I invite you to explore our offerings at peakneuro.com.au. Together, let's rewrite our story with a healthier mindset.
Very interesting piece to read Katie. I just recently published a piece talking about my own social media detachment and see a great many similarities. For me, once it became graphic-based it was the gigantic competitive beast out to consume and destroy everything in it's path. So I just stopped using it. My 'workaround' now as I go about re-embracing it is simply not to allow these apps to make it onto my phone. They function just fine as a desktop activity, and I can't be disturbed in my daily activities, I make the time and do it all at once. Keep up the good work and keep away from the negative spirals of social media :)
My social media amounts to “proof of life,” “proof that I’m ‘ok’” … alive enough and ok enough to keep people at bay. As long as I post regularly, they won’t worry that I’m not ok. I post mostly to keep them comfortable that they don’t have to check on me.
I'm grateful for your kind acknowledgement of my "presence"with your wisdom. But way beyond that I'm absolutely gobsmacked by this week's offer. That's because I'm in intense pain with dry eyes. My tears have gone AWOL and the drops I'm provided with operate for about 10 minutes top. To the best of my fragmented memory I haven't wept since I was 6 and starting my career in the schoolyard Lynch mob that drove me into PTSD for about 50 years, give or take. They relished making me weep, so I stopped to deprive them of that satisfaction at least. I succeeded in that task but not at all in trying to fight back, which grew more intense every recess.
I'm persuaded that today's condition results at least in part from allergy, since it vanishes when I go outdoors. Perhaps I might regain that emotional necessity.
Wow, I’m so glad I’ve discovered your newsletter — this post is so timely! I tried to go cold turkey by deleting Instagram a few days ago. But, they give you a month to back out and I’ve already reactivated my account. (The shame). Even after I shared that I was going to delete it as “it felt like the next right thing”. I now feel like a massive dork but also kind of human… it’s not as simple as just deleting and moving on when it feels like everyone else is very much in the thick of it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts so eloquently. It feels like you’re in my head!
Raven, I was just having a conversation today with my newsletter editor (and dear friend!) Becca and she was expressing such similar observations about writing and social media. "I needed the psychic space to hear myself!" is such a smart way to put it. Thank you for sharing!