I feel like if I had a bit more mental capacity, I'd be able to write a really eloquent reply that weaves it all together ... Alas. It's an off year all around for me, and capacity is lagging, so this is the reply I can write.
I'm also self employed (13 years), and this is the first year I made less than the year prior. There have been years where it's been about equal to the prior year, but this is the year where it's less. Thousands less. (It's probably no coincidence this has been one of my hardest of my 43 years, piled right up on top of other very, very hard years from 2017 on.) Doing important work, and trying to make a financial living on it, and trying to derive worth/value from those numbers is maddening.
Because of the various stressors in my life, many hard questions are being asked. I'm bracing for what their answers will be (individually and collectively) next year.
Amidst it all, I'm so grateful for this space, here, that you've cultivated, Katie. It's special.
Thank you, Hannah! I know what it feels like to make less (after years and years of more) and how exhausting it can be to convince yourself it's okay, despite society telling you otherwise. I also know how hard that experience can be when everything feels/is more expensive.
I only know you from the comments you leave here, but you have enriched my life tremendously. I can only imagine how much value you add to people's lives who are lucky enough to know you and work with you in the real world. xo
Oh Katie. There's so much kindness here in this community of yours, which all flows straight from you. Just, thank you. Also, I'm so (so!) hoping to be able to join the next intentions zoom calls, whenever they may be (I had joined the first two but, then, life lifed) ... community is what's going to see us through.
And Katie, you feel better. That was some pithy post you wrote today, it's one I need to ruminate on so I can maybe add a comment that will be half sensible. Or maybe not. Give yourself permission to rest. You're no good to any one in your house if you're unwell. Get thee to thine bed and rest!
Hannah, please never undervalue what you are or do and couple that with that invisible measuring stick we all use, it inevitably sets us up for failure( in our own eyes) I cannot emphasize the importance of self care, no matter what that looks like to each of us, I'll even extend how we think it looks like to other people. I've been around that block more than once-the only person who will take care of you is you. You're the only person you need to please. Your worth is not a monetary value. What follows is a direct quote from me during a grad school morals and ethics class when money came up, one of the menfolk made a comment, and I chuckled under my breath and said "look, I've had a lot of something and I've had nothing. It's a lot easier having nothing because you're not worried about losing it" That shut them all up and that was the truth. Anyway, please take care of yourself. You're not alone out there.
After almost 20 years building a successful communications/strategy agency I still didn’t feel worthy! I gave myself the title of CEO, so it wasn’t really “real”. I went out and applied for a CEO job and got it. That was when it felt real. When someone else saw my worth. Then I worked myself ragged to prove how worthy I was. Dang near killed me. So stupid.
I felt everything you write today Katie. Just know you are in the exact right place with your work life. Having the flexibility to walk your daughter to school, “work” from home, and even your bed if need be, take time off to be sick and rest.
Your list of what you accomplished on your one “I’m better” day tired me out just reading it. You got this. You’re on the right path.
My learning looking back? I wish I hadn’t spent so much time doubting my self and my worth.
Currently sick freelancer here as well... I spent yesterday cleaning up my emails from the couch. I have been struggling to take down time, but I keep reminding myself that this is the *point* of the flexibility - the ability to get in bed for a day or more when needed! There is so much unlearning to do about productivity and self worth - just wanted to come on here to say you're doing a great job and SOLIDARITY.
Ah, I love the ask year/off year framing. (Did I hear that talk?! Checking my notes immediately …) I’m not really a pro basketball fan, but I think about this video all the time of this NBA star’s answer to whether their loss in the championships was a failure. “It’s the wrong question,” he replies, and schools us all on what success looks like. Spoiler: it ain’t trophies.
Thank you, Kate! I'm almost positive you had a different speaker on negotiation, but I love this framing too. And that answer is *fantastic*. Thank you for that!
I wove a couple notes to you in the comments, I do hope you feel better and this too shall pass. No pun intended. I did think it was interesting that you couldn't find a woman for that role, but hey, whoever works! Funny because I heard a lot of negotiation talk woven in this piece. Operative word "heard", and good grief isn't every darn day some sort of negotiation? With ourselves, with others. That alone makes me weary just thinking about it. But I kept wondering if we can have ask/off at the same time when it suits. We maybe just need to allow ourselves that permission.
I really have to say this one really got my brain firing on however many cylinders I have left up there. It's pithy and full of brain food to ponder. You are amazing. But stay in bed please. <3
First - I hope you feel better as quickly as possible. Second - I hope you can lean into the rest and thanking your body for what it's doing and surrounding yourself in healing light.
Last - As I read I thought, of course! We were told we could BE JUST LIKE MEN. And like patriarchal men at that! We were taught that is what we SHOULD WANT. But you know what? It's not what I want at all! I just saw a video where Meryl Streep was saying we learned the language of men, we dream in it, but men don't know the language of women. I think to be honest, we don't know the language of the feminine or the language of our soul, but our longings are driven by it. You should definitely be saying proudly, I am CEO of my own company! You are doing what works for you and that is so much greater than any ladder climbing. Neither path has any guarantees, no one knows where the next step leads. All we can do is choose the next step by what feels best in our bodies. No one taught us that and if we are doing it - WOW! How amazing!
Oh, I love this idea! Thank you for sharing it! Can you imagine how different the world would look if everyone also learned and honored the language of women?
Katie, I so love your mind and heart. Thank you for this and everything you put forward, always. And please, feel better. May I suggest these tissues? They helped me last spring when I was inexplicably sick for weeks as well. My nose thanked me for it. https://www.boogiewipes.com/product/boogie-wipes-saline-nose-wipes/
Ooh, thank you for this tip! I'm waiting for some test results but it looks like I'm dealing with a kidney stone. Ouch. But my daughter is *constantly* battling runny noses, so we're definitely going to get these! Sending you love.
OUCH indeed. Oh that must be so painful. I'm so sorry. (So it wasn't "just" a UTI after all ... Grrr.) Be easy and go gentle with yourself, because lord knows our bodies often don't!
I really enjoyed this reflection. Rest is crucial, and as a creative I think of it in terms of "negative space". Love the idea of "off years", months, weeks, days also. I hope you feel better soon!
I feel like, too, as a freelancer, giving yourself the time off (whether for sickness or vacation) can feel harder because it's not paid! So we give ourselves less grace with that. This is a great post. Love your newsletter as always, Katie!
As I make - and fully dive into and walk the path of - the decision to work as a writer and content creator, rather than society's more-typical 9 to 5-type job, I find myself grappling with, meeting, shame that I carry around this decision. It is one that I know fulfills me, one that makes my soul soar as it brings me peace too, but it is one that is so different from what people, particularly my family, think of as a secure and "successful" route to take. And as I find myself healing through this, meeting and healing and loving and having compassion for the parts of me that carry this shame, I also find myself needing to heal my relationship to 'rest.' I resonate deeply with all that you've said. ❤️🩹
Here's to loving and having compassion for ourselves, to creating more intentional spaces for resting, to deeper clarity within and outside of ourselves, and honoring our needs too.
Hi Katie! I am a silent but avid fan of your writing. Would you consider a writing challenge for 2025 maybe some weekly prompts to help kickstart my 2025 writing? I dunno. As a mother, your thoughts and lessons really resonate.
How about not approaching life as "off" "ask" or "on" at all? Taking each day as it comes, and being intentional about all the choices we make, no matter the consequences.
I feel like if I had a bit more mental capacity, I'd be able to write a really eloquent reply that weaves it all together ... Alas. It's an off year all around for me, and capacity is lagging, so this is the reply I can write.
I'm also self employed (13 years), and this is the first year I made less than the year prior. There have been years where it's been about equal to the prior year, but this is the year where it's less. Thousands less. (It's probably no coincidence this has been one of my hardest of my 43 years, piled right up on top of other very, very hard years from 2017 on.) Doing important work, and trying to make a financial living on it, and trying to derive worth/value from those numbers is maddening.
Because of the various stressors in my life, many hard questions are being asked. I'm bracing for what their answers will be (individually and collectively) next year.
Amidst it all, I'm so grateful for this space, here, that you've cultivated, Katie. It's special.
Thank you, Hannah! I know what it feels like to make less (after years and years of more) and how exhausting it can be to convince yourself it's okay, despite society telling you otherwise. I also know how hard that experience can be when everything feels/is more expensive.
I only know you from the comments you leave here, but you have enriched my life tremendously. I can only imagine how much value you add to people's lives who are lucky enough to know you and work with you in the real world. xo
Oh Katie. There's so much kindness here in this community of yours, which all flows straight from you. Just, thank you. Also, I'm so (so!) hoping to be able to join the next intentions zoom calls, whenever they may be (I had joined the first two but, then, life lifed) ... community is what's going to see us through.
And Katie, you feel better. That was some pithy post you wrote today, it's one I need to ruminate on so I can maybe add a comment that will be half sensible. Or maybe not. Give yourself permission to rest. You're no good to any one in your house if you're unwell. Get thee to thine bed and rest!
Hannah, please never undervalue what you are or do and couple that with that invisible measuring stick we all use, it inevitably sets us up for failure( in our own eyes) I cannot emphasize the importance of self care, no matter what that looks like to each of us, I'll even extend how we think it looks like to other people. I've been around that block more than once-the only person who will take care of you is you. You're the only person you need to please. Your worth is not a monetary value. What follows is a direct quote from me during a grad school morals and ethics class when money came up, one of the menfolk made a comment, and I chuckled under my breath and said "look, I've had a lot of something and I've had nothing. It's a lot easier having nothing because you're not worried about losing it" That shut them all up and that was the truth. Anyway, please take care of yourself. You're not alone out there.
Goodness do I appreciate the heartfelt warmth and insistence in this very kind message. *Thank you*
After almost 20 years building a successful communications/strategy agency I still didn’t feel worthy! I gave myself the title of CEO, so it wasn’t really “real”. I went out and applied for a CEO job and got it. That was when it felt real. When someone else saw my worth. Then I worked myself ragged to prove how worthy I was. Dang near killed me. So stupid.
I felt everything you write today Katie. Just know you are in the exact right place with your work life. Having the flexibility to walk your daughter to school, “work” from home, and even your bed if need be, take time off to be sick and rest.
Your list of what you accomplished on your one “I’m better” day tired me out just reading it. You got this. You’re on the right path.
My learning looking back? I wish I hadn’t spent so much time doubting my self and my worth.
Thank you for sharing your hard-earned wisdom, Kim! I really appreciate it. <3
Currently sick freelancer here as well... I spent yesterday cleaning up my emails from the couch. I have been struggling to take down time, but I keep reminding myself that this is the *point* of the flexibility - the ability to get in bed for a day or more when needed! There is so much unlearning to do about productivity and self worth - just wanted to come on here to say you're doing a great job and SOLIDARITY.
Thank you, Katherine! I also did a recent couch email cleanup. It's a good spot to do it! I hope you feel better soon. xo
Ah, I love the ask year/off year framing. (Did I hear that talk?! Checking my notes immediately …) I’m not really a pro basketball fan, but I think about this video all the time of this NBA star’s answer to whether their loss in the championships was a failure. “It’s the wrong question,” he replies, and schools us all on what success looks like. Spoiler: it ain’t trophies.
https://youtu.be/aLpS1bVgDus?si=pWSWs0Rh2keMlCnz
Thank you as always for your beautiful observations. I hope you feel better soon!
Thank you, Kate! I'm almost positive you had a different speaker on negotiation, but I love this framing too. And that answer is *fantastic*. Thank you for that!
Preach! What a great video and wasn't he just so spot on! Thanks for sharing that Kate!
I wove a couple notes to you in the comments, I do hope you feel better and this too shall pass. No pun intended. I did think it was interesting that you couldn't find a woman for that role, but hey, whoever works! Funny because I heard a lot of negotiation talk woven in this piece. Operative word "heard", and good grief isn't every darn day some sort of negotiation? With ourselves, with others. That alone makes me weary just thinking about it. But I kept wondering if we can have ask/off at the same time when it suits. We maybe just need to allow ourselves that permission.
I really have to say this one really got my brain firing on however many cylinders I have left up there. It's pithy and full of brain food to ponder. You are amazing. But stay in bed please. <3
Thanks, Lori! It will indeed pass! Ha. I'm glad this one got your brain firing! I appreciate you reading and commenting, as always. xo
First - I hope you feel better as quickly as possible. Second - I hope you can lean into the rest and thanking your body for what it's doing and surrounding yourself in healing light.
Last - As I read I thought, of course! We were told we could BE JUST LIKE MEN. And like patriarchal men at that! We were taught that is what we SHOULD WANT. But you know what? It's not what I want at all! I just saw a video where Meryl Streep was saying we learned the language of men, we dream in it, but men don't know the language of women. I think to be honest, we don't know the language of the feminine or the language of our soul, but our longings are driven by it. You should definitely be saying proudly, I am CEO of my own company! You are doing what works for you and that is so much greater than any ladder climbing. Neither path has any guarantees, no one knows where the next step leads. All we can do is choose the next step by what feels best in our bodies. No one taught us that and if we are doing it - WOW! How amazing!
Oh, I love this idea! Thank you for sharing it! Can you imagine how different the world would look if everyone also learned and honored the language of women?
I probably can't! But I like trying.
Katie, I so love your mind and heart. Thank you for this and everything you put forward, always. And please, feel better. May I suggest these tissues? They helped me last spring when I was inexplicably sick for weeks as well. My nose thanked me for it. https://www.boogiewipes.com/product/boogie-wipes-saline-nose-wipes/
Ooh, thank you for this tip! I'm waiting for some test results but it looks like I'm dealing with a kidney stone. Ouch. But my daughter is *constantly* battling runny noses, so we're definitely going to get these! Sending you love.
Oh no, ouch! You poor girl. I'm sending healing energy your way.
OUCH indeed. Oh that must be so painful. I'm so sorry. (So it wasn't "just" a UTI after all ... Grrr.) Be easy and go gentle with yourself, because lord knows our bodies often don't!
I really enjoyed this reflection. Rest is crucial, and as a creative I think of it in terms of "negative space". Love the idea of "off years", months, weeks, days also. I hope you feel better soon!
Thank you, Ramya!
I feel like, too, as a freelancer, giving yourself the time off (whether for sickness or vacation) can feel harder because it's not paid! So we give ourselves less grace with that. This is a great post. Love your newsletter as always, Katie!
Oh my gosh, yes! This is such a difficult thing to navigate. (And thank you!)
Thank you, Katie, so much for this. 🙏🏻
As I make - and fully dive into and walk the path of - the decision to work as a writer and content creator, rather than society's more-typical 9 to 5-type job, I find myself grappling with, meeting, shame that I carry around this decision. It is one that I know fulfills me, one that makes my soul soar as it brings me peace too, but it is one that is so different from what people, particularly my family, think of as a secure and "successful" route to take. And as I find myself healing through this, meeting and healing and loving and having compassion for the parts of me that carry this shame, I also find myself needing to heal my relationship to 'rest.' I resonate deeply with all that you've said. ❤️🩹
Here's to loving and having compassion for ourselves, to creating more intentional spaces for resting, to deeper clarity within and outside of ourselves, and honoring our needs too.
Hi Katie! I am a silent but avid fan of your writing. Would you consider a writing challenge for 2025 maybe some weekly prompts to help kickstart my 2025 writing? I dunno. As a mother, your thoughts and lessons really resonate.
How about not approaching life as "off" "ask" or "on" at all? Taking each day as it comes, and being intentional about all the choices we make, no matter the consequences.
The trouble with "more" is that it's never enough.
Exactly!