You are right. No one gains from people overcomitting, Whether or not their motives are good.
For most of my 67 years I've lived with a constant and annoying voice in my head (One of several but that's for another day). I named him, "Pleaser". He's the character that chimed in every time I sat in medical school committee meetings saying, "You can do that, volunteer for that." So, I did, again and again, until I became overstretched and burned out. I hated myself for letting people down.
Thankfully, he and I have come to an agreement. I understood he wanted me to be loved by other people and his way of getting that love was to give too much of me away. Today, he still wants to please others but I, the grown-up, get the final say on how and when things will go. Life is quieter, more manageable and I get time to enjoy things.
I don't think I'm alone here! That's what a lot of Imposter Syndrome is about.
This really hit home for me! Your candid reflection on the planning fallacy and the impact of overcommitting was so relatable. I loved the moment you decided to join your family and truly enjoy your vacation. It’s a powerful reminder to balance ambition with self-care. Thanks for sharing.
I feel so bad you didn't really get to enjoy your vacation. I absolutely do understand the need to set those invisible goals and expect to meet them. I was one of those people who could "do it all" lest I not disappoint those around me. I failed to include myself in that group. I caught on fairly early (late 30's) that I was done doing that and made some changes to my life, yet once again I merely shifted some of those home pressures and cranked that up a notch. Wisely, or maybe dumbly I finally learned to ask myself could that load of laundry wait until I came home from the beach? Why yes, yes it could. And I was a much happier person and in a better place in my head to knock off those buggy little chores I needed to get done. I hope you can find some down time for you, relax and enjoy. Do for yourself what you do for others. Big hugs.
“Expectations are resentments under construction.” I love Anne Lamott. I needed these words today. And, yes to the no of overcommitting! I hope you're able to take the break you need and thank you for taking the time to share this post with us!
Ooooof this one hit me hard! What a great lesson and so relatable!! I understood already that I tend to underestimate how long things actually take, but I never thought about the intersection of that along with my optimism that I'll be able to do everything/people-pleasing tendencies creating the perfect storm of stress. There's a lot to think about here, thank you!!!
How do you pump the brakes in these moments?? One thing I try to do is recognize that I'm on the runaway "productivity rollercoaster" (that's what I call it haha) and purposefully try to stop by taking a few days to reset my brain by NOT making a to-do list and just trusting that I'll take care of what is most important. It feels really hard and counterintuitive to not buckle down and do the opposite instead, but it's usually what I actually need to get back on track. Some things naturally pile up during this "break" (usually the dishes haha) but the important things (time with friends/family/pets, rest, joy) flourish and give me the energy to get back into a space where I can take care of the productive things again.
Thanks for the kind words, Danni! I’m not great at pumping the breaks — I definitely experience the “productivity rollercoaster” a lot (I love that phrase!). Taking a walk usually resets me, but I have to do that mindfully (i.e. not walking to get as many steps in as possible or walking to work through a problem I’m trying to solve, etc.) I’m
Taking walks helps me too!! Or spending time in the woods/nature. I'm also trying to find the balance of just accepting that I get this way sometimes (currently in said "productivity rollercoaster" trying to do ALL the things in preparation of a vacation). It's something I like about myself, that I'm able to get so much done and be so organized, but it just needs to be balanced out sometimes or I become Anxiety from the new Inside Out movie!
We are so similar! I like this about me too — until I become a whirling dervish spiraling as I try to get it ALL done. I felt very seen by that character! 😅
You are right. No one gains from people overcomitting, Whether or not their motives are good.
For most of my 67 years I've lived with a constant and annoying voice in my head (One of several but that's for another day). I named him, "Pleaser". He's the character that chimed in every time I sat in medical school committee meetings saying, "You can do that, volunteer for that." So, I did, again and again, until I became overstretched and burned out. I hated myself for letting people down.
Thankfully, he and I have come to an agreement. I understood he wanted me to be loved by other people and his way of getting that love was to give too much of me away. Today, he still wants to please others but I, the grown-up, get the final say on how and when things will go. Life is quieter, more manageable and I get time to enjoy things.
I don't think I'm alone here! That's what a lot of Imposter Syndrome is about.
I’m so happy to hear that you tamed Pleaser! That’s so encouraging to hear. Thank you for sharing!
This really hit home for me! Your candid reflection on the planning fallacy and the impact of overcommitting was so relatable. I loved the moment you decided to join your family and truly enjoy your vacation. It’s a powerful reminder to balance ambition with self-care. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you, Jon!
I feel so bad you didn't really get to enjoy your vacation. I absolutely do understand the need to set those invisible goals and expect to meet them. I was one of those people who could "do it all" lest I not disappoint those around me. I failed to include myself in that group. I caught on fairly early (late 30's) that I was done doing that and made some changes to my life, yet once again I merely shifted some of those home pressures and cranked that up a notch. Wisely, or maybe dumbly I finally learned to ask myself could that load of laundry wait until I came home from the beach? Why yes, yes it could. And I was a much happier person and in a better place in my head to knock off those buggy little chores I needed to get done. I hope you can find some down time for you, relax and enjoy. Do for yourself what you do for others. Big hugs.
Don’t feel bad, Lori! I really did have a wonderful time once I finally let go of all the expectations I set for myself.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I hope to get better at accepting I can’t do it all!
Thank you for the reminder :)
I need it often!
“Expectations are resentments under construction.” I love Anne Lamott. I needed these words today. And, yes to the no of overcommitting! I hope you're able to take the break you need and thank you for taking the time to share this post with us!
Thank you, Rosa!
Ooooof this one hit me hard! What a great lesson and so relatable!! I understood already that I tend to underestimate how long things actually take, but I never thought about the intersection of that along with my optimism that I'll be able to do everything/people-pleasing tendencies creating the perfect storm of stress. There's a lot to think about here, thank you!!!
How do you pump the brakes in these moments?? One thing I try to do is recognize that I'm on the runaway "productivity rollercoaster" (that's what I call it haha) and purposefully try to stop by taking a few days to reset my brain by NOT making a to-do list and just trusting that I'll take care of what is most important. It feels really hard and counterintuitive to not buckle down and do the opposite instead, but it's usually what I actually need to get back on track. Some things naturally pile up during this "break" (usually the dishes haha) but the important things (time with friends/family/pets, rest, joy) flourish and give me the energy to get back into a space where I can take care of the productive things again.
Thanks for the kind words, Danni! I’m not great at pumping the breaks — I definitely experience the “productivity rollercoaster” a lot (I love that phrase!). Taking a walk usually resets me, but I have to do that mindfully (i.e. not walking to get as many steps in as possible or walking to work through a problem I’m trying to solve, etc.) I’m
definitely a work in progress!
Taking walks helps me too!! Or spending time in the woods/nature. I'm also trying to find the balance of just accepting that I get this way sometimes (currently in said "productivity rollercoaster" trying to do ALL the things in preparation of a vacation). It's something I like about myself, that I'm able to get so much done and be so organized, but it just needs to be balanced out sometimes or I become Anxiety from the new Inside Out movie!
We are so similar! I like this about me too — until I become a whirling dervish spiraling as I try to get it ALL done. I felt very seen by that character! 😅