Reading this made me notice that I've been leading my life with play more. I think I'm catering to the younger Alyn I wanted to be instead of the one I was. 🥹
Recently in therapy, I was talking through a particular need-to-figure-this-out-asap anxiety, and my therapist gently asked what age this part of me was -- this part so wrapped up in this particular future-based struggle that I don't, in fact, need to yet have sorted out in my life. I, age 43, immediately answered, "65."
On a different date in a different session, I was talking about a different part of myself, a very familiar but challenging part of myself, and she asked a similar question ... how old is it; as in, how long has this challenging-but-adaptive part been with you? 42 of my 43 years. (Oof.)
I don't know how old I feel. But I know it's more complicated than simply feeling my chronological age. So, same, friend. 💫
Love this. I constantly feel like I'm a flailing 20-year-old, freshly born into the world of adulthood. And then I meet a 20-year-old and am like, oh god, look at this absolute infant—I am decrepit in comparison.
I asked my 79 year old dad when I might feel like a real grown up and he said I’ll let you know when it happens. I’ve had the experience of people showing up in my dreams the night they died (and before I knew they had passed). It happened with my grandparents, it happened with a couple of friends my own age as well. The interesting thing to me is that they all look like they were in their late 20s in my dream, even my grandparents who I obviously did not know in their late 20s. It doesn’t seem like an age I would pick for them, so it’s interesting to me to think that’s maybe how their soul decided to show up? Another friend of mine said she has experienced that exact same phenomenon. For me, I know sometimes I feel like that young adult, sometimes I feel like a little kid who’s gotten in trouble for something, and occasionally I remember that child like joy. I don’t know what it would mean to feel 55, so I don’t know if I feel that. Great writing Katie!
I just turned 59 and this was the first birthday where I paused and felt the uncomfortable feeling of "holy shit that sounds old." I don't remotely feel 59, maybe more like late 30's/early 40's. That being said, the 50th decade is pretty remarkable. I wonder what 60 will bring? I still can't believe I'll be 60 next year. It feels weird to even type that number!
Reading this made me notice that I've been leading my life with play more. I think I'm catering to the younger Alyn I wanted to be instead of the one I was. 🥹
Oh, how healing. I love that!
Recently in therapy, I was talking through a particular need-to-figure-this-out-asap anxiety, and my therapist gently asked what age this part of me was -- this part so wrapped up in this particular future-based struggle that I don't, in fact, need to yet have sorted out in my life. I, age 43, immediately answered, "65."
On a different date in a different session, I was talking about a different part of myself, a very familiar but challenging part of myself, and she asked a similar question ... how old is it; as in, how long has this challenging-but-adaptive part been with you? 42 of my 43 years. (Oof.)
I don't know how old I feel. But I know it's more complicated than simply feeling my chronological age. So, same, friend. 💫
A number, your age is.
As we go through another year, age becomes nominal.
Love this. I constantly feel like I'm a flailing 20-year-old, freshly born into the world of adulthood. And then I meet a 20-year-old and am like, oh god, look at this absolute infant—I am decrepit in comparison.
I asked my 79 year old dad when I might feel like a real grown up and he said I’ll let you know when it happens. I’ve had the experience of people showing up in my dreams the night they died (and before I knew they had passed). It happened with my grandparents, it happened with a couple of friends my own age as well. The interesting thing to me is that they all look like they were in their late 20s in my dream, even my grandparents who I obviously did not know in their late 20s. It doesn’t seem like an age I would pick for them, so it’s interesting to me to think that’s maybe how their soul decided to show up? Another friend of mine said she has experienced that exact same phenomenon. For me, I know sometimes I feel like that young adult, sometimes I feel like a little kid who’s gotten in trouble for something, and occasionally I remember that child like joy. I don’t know what it would mean to feel 55, so I don’t know if I feel that. Great writing Katie!
I just turned 59 and this was the first birthday where I paused and felt the uncomfortable feeling of "holy shit that sounds old." I don't remotely feel 59, maybe more like late 30's/early 40's. That being said, the 50th decade is pretty remarkable. I wonder what 60 will bring? I still can't believe I'll be 60 next year. It feels weird to even type that number!