25 Comments

Crying at my desk! What a beautiful tribute to a very important day. Champagne all around—a glass for you, a glass for Jamie, and a glass for Billy. A toast to love that keeps going and going.

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Sep 27, 2022Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar

Beautiful post Katie. ❤️ I miss my mother so much everyday and I hope that my dad is dealing with the blows in a good way. I know he goes thru similar stuff and I just wish my parents had made it to 50 years-- my brother and I were gonna have a party. They made it to 45 when my mom got sick and died a month later. It's so hard but know that writing about it not only helps you it helps other people and I thank you for that.

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Sep 27, 2022·edited Sep 27, 2022Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar

Well, Katie, your path back seems to be on schedule.

We all believe love is a finite emotion, but the reality is that we have a nearly infinite capacity for love.

When I lost my spouse, as did you, it took time before I could get a peek into the infinity of love.

We love our parents, we love our children, we love some of our dearest buddies (yes, that's a manly term 😏), we love our pets, and if we are even slightly religious we experience a most unique form of love that all too often feels one sided.

Our common connection is that we learned to open our hearts to another person who offered us patience and tenderness, as if we were a wounded animal.

In my case the woman I wanted with all my heart to love during our early dating sat me down and told me I would love my first wife for the rest of my life, and if I was willing my new lady friend would wait for as long as it took for me to become a polygamist, at which point I laughed so long and hard that my diaphragm ached for nearly an hour.

So yes, love can be infinite.

You might work on listening to your better angels rather than the evil angel that tries to seduce you into picking a fight with Billy.

Thank you young lady and tell Billy I think he is a swell fellow.

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Sep 27, 2022Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar

It's been 20 years since I lost my daughter; she would have been 41 in 5 weeks. I grieve privately, in insolation these days, and seldom find a wet, sloppy moment. But today I'm shuddering and sobbing, and in my silent way I've thrown back my head and howled. I'll also never forget the day my son called me to tell me about Jamie, how he could not speak, how I couldn't believe he meant OUR Jamie. This Day is the day to commemorate, and I'm beyond grateful that you have shared it with us. I'm continuously incredibly happy that you have found Billy, another man with as warm, deep and delicate comprehension of his place in the universe as had Jamie.

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Sep 27, 2022Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar

"People want to believe that, once someone finds love again, all of their previous heartache and suffering magically disappear." This is true for divorce, too. Thanks for putting it into words.

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Sep 27, 2022Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar

I'm so happy for you that you've found a new love, and that you haven't been expected to sacrifice the old love. I appreciate your stories so much. I always did before, but they hold a weightier meaning for me these days, as I approach multiple one-year anniversaries I don't want to face though I have no choice but to.

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Sep 28, 2022Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar

Beautifully stated! It's so complicated but you spell it out and make it approachable. Thank you! Reading your words gives me hope and yes I'm ok! My husband died almost 7 years ago. I'm dating and falling in love again but am now running into 'anger'. I think it is grief mixed with anger... I never considered that. Thank you for sharing so intimately with your readers. Cheers to you, Jamie & Billy ❤

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Sep 28, 2022Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar

A beautiful tribute to love, grief, and the messy ways they intersect. Definitely shed a few years reading this.

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Sep 27, 2022Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar

Life isn't ever really easy is it? I so admire your ability to lay bare your feelings and how you coped and are coping. I remember after my dad died, spotting two older people holding hands and making a comment to my mom about how cute it was .... for her, it was just a reminder of what she'd lost but as a 13yrold I didn't grasp the enormity of it. I do now. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it. xo

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Sep 27, 2022Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar

This was a beautiful tribute, both to your marriage and your love of Jamie, and your love and relationship with Billy. The idea of "parallel universe days" really resonated with me. I have a similar day--what would have been my 10-year wedding anniversary just passed, but wasn't, not because of death, but because of a very bad divorce. It's been years now, and I'm in a new relationship, one I didn't really believe was possible, so...yes, thank you for writing this and for being so open and vulnerable about your grief. Sending you lots of virtual champagne!

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deletedSep 27, 2022Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar
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deletedSep 27, 2022Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar
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