I really resonated with the article from the HuffPost. I have never had the motherly instinct and when I tell my friends that I never pictured myself having kids or have the desire to everyone gives me a judgmental look or tells me I'll change my mind. I am in my 30s and still feel this way. A close friend of mine who is married also shares the same feeling and has pressure from her family to one day have kids. We were recently talking about how there aren't enough articles or discussion around that is it ok for women to not want to have kids and to not feel shame. This newsletter came at a perfect time.
Parenthood is definitely a mixed bag. The honesty in this post is so inspiring and much needed in the discussion about pregnancy, child rearing and the value arbitrarily assigned to both. My wife and I just welcomed our third child during these pandemic and like each child before, it’s been a totally different and unexpected experience. I look at our friends without kids with envy during this pandemic especially, and they look at us the same. The most value IMHO lies in being happy with whatever decision you make and I think that can only come when you’ve made the decision for yourself rather than expectation or pressure. If only parenthood were as simple as a choice.
This article was so interesting and balanced, thank you! Personally, I have never wanted kids; as I child, I loved playing with Legos and Barbies instead of baby dolls. Now that I'm in my mid-twenties and engaged, I'm constantly being asked (even by people I barely know) when my partner and I are going to start having children. As someone who lives in the rural Midwest, having children is just a normal part of growing up, a responsibility even. Most people are pretty taken aback when I answer the already too-invasive question with the truth: we aren't having any kids. Even if we did want to start a family, which neither of us ever have, my diagnosis with an autoimmune disorder would have made the decision for us. What's frustrating is that people tend to not want to accept my decision to not have kids because I simply don't want them; the "acceptable" answer seems to be that I can't have children due to my health. Why can't my partner and I's personal decisions just be enough?
I loved reading this. It felt so relevant to me as despite all the things going on in the world at the moment my husband and I have just decided to try for our first (and probably only) child. I agree with you, it's an act of hope and in our case also faith. I hope and pray his or her life will be wonderfully human, with all the ups and downs that are so part of the human experience. And I fervently pray that he or she will never wish that we hadn't made this decision to try (or in your much more eloquent words resent the reality they inherit). Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts.
I have never wanted kids, but often have trouble relating to other child-free people just as much as I do with parents. Having children is just something that has never appealed to me or that I have considered at all, so I have trouble understanding others who talk about their decision after "weighing their options" or doing research. The concept of parenthood is so foreign to me and my husband that sometimes we speculate about how other couples who want children even discuss it. Does one person say to the other "I'm kind of bored with it just being us, can we bring in another family member that needs a lot of care giving to liven this up?" Does the partner get their feelings hurt at this? So many questions.
Thank you for giving voice to what I've been pondering for the last five years. I still haven't decided, but it's comforting to know I'm not alone in this ethical maze.
My partner and I have a 3 year old and this year decided not to have any more children. It's been a tough decision to make, but with COVID I don't feel like I can go through it all again. I'm so tired and have been suffering from depression these past 5 months at home. I love my son, he's kind and silly and fun to be around, but I can't help feeling jealousy towards childless friends these days. So many of them seem to be thriving during this time (those of us lucky to still able to work from home) but I'm mentally struggling.
It's been much harder to make this decision than it was the first time we decided to try for a baby. I feel a tinge of sadness as I see other friends and acquaintances announce second and third pregnancies. I'm 35 so I could change my mind in the next few years, but so much seems up in the air for the future that it seems safe to say no more.
I really resonated with the article from the HuffPost. I have never had the motherly instinct and when I tell my friends that I never pictured myself having kids or have the desire to everyone gives me a judgmental look or tells me I'll change my mind. I am in my 30s and still feel this way. A close friend of mine who is married also shares the same feeling and has pressure from her family to one day have kids. We were recently talking about how there aren't enough articles or discussion around that is it ok for women to not want to have kids and to not feel shame. This newsletter came at a perfect time.
Parenthood is definitely a mixed bag. The honesty in this post is so inspiring and much needed in the discussion about pregnancy, child rearing and the value arbitrarily assigned to both. My wife and I just welcomed our third child during these pandemic and like each child before, it’s been a totally different and unexpected experience. I look at our friends without kids with envy during this pandemic especially, and they look at us the same. The most value IMHO lies in being happy with whatever decision you make and I think that can only come when you’ve made the decision for yourself rather than expectation or pressure. If only parenthood were as simple as a choice.
This article was so interesting and balanced, thank you! Personally, I have never wanted kids; as I child, I loved playing with Legos and Barbies instead of baby dolls. Now that I'm in my mid-twenties and engaged, I'm constantly being asked (even by people I barely know) when my partner and I are going to start having children. As someone who lives in the rural Midwest, having children is just a normal part of growing up, a responsibility even. Most people are pretty taken aback when I answer the already too-invasive question with the truth: we aren't having any kids. Even if we did want to start a family, which neither of us ever have, my diagnosis with an autoimmune disorder would have made the decision for us. What's frustrating is that people tend to not want to accept my decision to not have kids because I simply don't want them; the "acceptable" answer seems to be that I can't have children due to my health. Why can't my partner and I's personal decisions just be enough?
I loved reading this. It felt so relevant to me as despite all the things going on in the world at the moment my husband and I have just decided to try for our first (and probably only) child. I agree with you, it's an act of hope and in our case also faith. I hope and pray his or her life will be wonderfully human, with all the ups and downs that are so part of the human experience. And I fervently pray that he or she will never wish that we hadn't made this decision to try (or in your much more eloquent words resent the reality they inherit). Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts.
I have never wanted kids, but often have trouble relating to other child-free people just as much as I do with parents. Having children is just something that has never appealed to me or that I have considered at all, so I have trouble understanding others who talk about their decision after "weighing their options" or doing research. The concept of parenthood is so foreign to me and my husband that sometimes we speculate about how other couples who want children even discuss it. Does one person say to the other "I'm kind of bored with it just being us, can we bring in another family member that needs a lot of care giving to liven this up?" Does the partner get their feelings hurt at this? So many questions.
Thank you for giving voice to what I've been pondering for the last five years. I still haven't decided, but it's comforting to know I'm not alone in this ethical maze.
My partner and I have a 3 year old and this year decided not to have any more children. It's been a tough decision to make, but with COVID I don't feel like I can go through it all again. I'm so tired and have been suffering from depression these past 5 months at home. I love my son, he's kind and silly and fun to be around, but I can't help feeling jealousy towards childless friends these days. So many of them seem to be thriving during this time (those of us lucky to still able to work from home) but I'm mentally struggling.
It's been much harder to make this decision than it was the first time we decided to try for a baby. I feel a tinge of sadness as I see other friends and acquaintances announce second and third pregnancies. I'm 35 so I could change my mind in the next few years, but so much seems up in the air for the future that it seems safe to say no more.