28 Comments

Thank you so much for this - and for your courage. Many years ago I bought a little magnet that said "feel the fear and do it anyway" and was attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt. I have struggled to open my heart most of my life and now I struggle with anxiety and fear.

Your post also made me think of my BIL's grandmother. What a delightful lady she was. Her husband was shot by an employee he had fired when she was pregnant with her second son. She must have been in her 20s. By the time I knew her she was probably about 70. It always struck me that she had such an open and light heart. She never remarried but she was never alone because everyone wanted to be around her. She found that courage somewhere. (and lived to be 97 before passing during the first year of the pandemic)

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Wow, she sounds like an amazing woman!

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Feb 7, 2023Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar

Thank you for this...for reliving in print for us all you went through and continue to go through.

I had a poster in my office that said "Sometimes the fear won't go away, so you'll have to do it afraid".

I know if I had let my fear lead, I would not have had the wonderful experiences that I now treasure...and that make me "me".

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Amen to that, Sheeby. I love that perspective!

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Feb 7, 2023Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar

So beautiful and honest, as always. Thank you for writing about the hard parts braided with the lovely parts so well.

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I love the braid imagery! Filing that away for future use ;)

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Cheers to you, this is a remarkable post. I love your courage and willingness to share your heart over and over again. And I will take from this, "do it afraid." It's a perfect mantra. 💟

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Thank you, Sue. So kind!

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Feb 7, 2023Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar

Thanks for sharing your experience in such a beautiful way. You definitely have a gift for authentic storytelling!

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That's so kind. Thank you, Wendi!

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Feb 17, 2023Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar

As someone who has never actually had to grieve the loss of a loved one (yet), I find the mere thought of it paralyzing. It's always in my head each time I connect with a new person, each time I think fondly of someone.

Thanks for writing about it, and thanks for expressing your thoughts so vulnerably. Even though I know people have lived for millenia with the knowledge of their inevitable deaths (and of their loved ones), I just find it hard to comprehend sometimes. This article helped a lot in putting things into perspective.

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I appreciate this comment so much, Maia. Unfortunately, you will grieve the loss of a loved one sooner or later. Fortunately, you'll be amazed at how strong you are and how much you learn from the experience. xo

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Very good newsletter Katie. The strong internal strength that you have shines through in this letter. I get told that I am a strong woman because of things that I have been through but I often don't feel it. But when reading your letters and how you have made it through one of life's saddest times it fills me with the drive to fight through whatever life throws at me. Thank you Katie.

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That's so lovely to hear. Thank you, Pennie!

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Thank you, Katie! Hearing this story for the first time (I'm a new here! <3) was extremely relatable for me. We just passed our 7-year-old son's first death anniversary on 1/14 and in the same week the feature story on him was published in Outside magazine, and has since been trending quite a bit on social. It's scary, awkward and overwhelming to put yourself out there, especially whilst experiencing immense grief... but doing it scared is sometimes the only way! Hugs and thanks again!

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Lewann! I read your story yesterday and gasped when I realized you've commented here before. You are a beautiful writer and I'm so proud of you for sharing your story. I hope it felt cathartic. (And, I hope you're making space for the emotional/vulnerability hangover. It's real!) Sending you lots of love. xo

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Thanks, Katie! Wow, I love hearing when folks I follow not only read the piece, but connect the dots back to engagement! So cool. Yes, it felt painfully cathartic writing it and the emotional hangover has been totally real. Especially considering my husband and I are being celebrated for being such amazing parents... when we're not actively parenting anymore. Ooooof... such a double edged sword that's tough on the heart.

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Oof, what a bittersweet thing to hear! </3

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founding
Feb 8, 2023Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar

This is beautiful Katie. Thank you for writing.

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Thank you, Val ❤️

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Feb 8, 2023Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar

Loved this email and loved your creative mornings talk. All this time I've been reading your Substack with no idea about your previous role at Poynter! Big fan of the women's leadership academy there and it was just cool to learn today that you were in charge of that, in addition to being such a thoughtful writer on grief and mental health.

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Oh this is so nice, Svati! I'm so proud of that program and how it's grown. It's connected so many amazing women over the years. xo

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Feb 7, 2023Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar

Loved this one ❤️

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Thank you, Amy!

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Feb 7, 2023Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar

Thank you. And hugs. ❤️

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Hugs back to you! Thanks for reading.

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❤️ 🙌

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(Thank YOU for always showing up. I know it's a very different kind of running story than you're used to!)

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