I miss the summer of 2020 when nobody had expectations of me and there was nothing to do except survive. Two hour walks in the middle of the day with my dog, in the woods, the park, around (and in!) the lake... it seems so very long ago.
It's funny to think how, when we were in the midst of the lockdowns and the height of #quarantinelife, that one day we would look back on that time with fondness and nostalgia.
I miss those moments too. And yes, it seems so long ago. Everyone is so back to getting it on. Revenge spending, revenge travel....I don't like how it sounds. 🙃
This is beautiful (as always, but it is). I've been thinking a lot about the concept of "common humanity" - that we will all experience holidays that aren't the front of the postcard. Sometimes I'm amazed by just how clueless I was about how things were for my grandparents when their spouses died and for my parents when their parents died. I really was oblivious to it all. And in some ways it's good, I think my nieces and nephews are too and so they help me and my dad just in their "normalness" too. But I have learned a lot (and know I still don't know what so many things people go through are really like).
Somehow reading these has helped me see that I am loved and accepted by my family for having my own needs and needing to do things my own way. I'm not sure I'm ready to go maskless on Thursday and though I know I'd be the only one wearing a mask, I've given myself permission if it helps my nervous system cope with the day. And they will love me anyway.
It's a life long learning. We forget and remember and forget and remember. Thank you for recommending "Bless the Birds", I adore the line that says something about the intention to live with my "heart outstretched like an open hand".
Holidays without my kids (when they were with their dad every other year) were pretty terrible for me. One year, my now-husband and I found ourselves sans kids on Christmas Day, and the last thing we wanted to do was join a big gathering. So we didn't. We went to the movies instead. In fact, we watched two movies, taking a break between to sit in the sun on a bench. It was just what we needed.
When we moved to Texas, away from family, we had to figure out new ways to celebrate the end-of-year holidays with new traditions. We went camping for five of the six Thanksgivings and three of the six Christmases. That gave our family of four plus two dogs a chance to make precious memories with just us and occasional fellow travelers. Moving back to the Midwest means celebrating with family and sometimes I miss the simplicity of not dealing with the politics of family gatherings, no matter how precious those memories can be as well.
We hit a new place for each Thanksgiving. For Christmas we repeated Big Bend National Park twice, but the first year we spent most of our time in the mountains north of there and did a day trip to the park. The second year we spent three full days exploring the park.
December was the best time of year to visit some of those places in Texas because Summer was too hot and spring break wasn't quite long enough for that far of a trip across the state.
This will be the third Thanksgiving and Christmas season where I don't have a special someone in my life. I have tried to focus on the rest of my family and the joy we create together, but for some reason this year I really miss having someone special in my life. I don't feel ready to get involved with anyone yet but I miss the special feelings I once had with my past loves. Your stories are so touching and inspiring and I am happy that you now have the love that you deserve in your life. For me, maybe this year it's just all these sappy Christmas movies that I keep watching with my sister that's making me feel this way. I hope that you and your family have a blessed Thanksgiving.
Thank you, Pennie. This really can be such a lonely time of year. I hope you find some peace, in whatever way you decide to celebrate. Sending you love!
I'm barreling my way into the holiday season as a newly minted widow and some days I don't know how I will make it through. Then I look at our kid, and how proud he was of him, how much he loved him, and take it one step at a time. Thank you for sharing your grief with us so that we can learn from it.
Such beautiful story on grief and overcoming it. How you describe the whole holiday stretch is inspiring too. My husband just lost his father and somehow, the stretch to Christmas is not the same. I have not seen him grieve yet. Something tells me I have to hold his hand a little longer and tighter. There are days when I sign at the thought of Christmas this year.
I miss the summer of 2020 when nobody had expectations of me and there was nothing to do except survive. Two hour walks in the middle of the day with my dog, in the woods, the park, around (and in!) the lake... it seems so very long ago.
It's funny to think how, when we were in the midst of the lockdowns and the height of #quarantinelife, that one day we would look back on that time with fondness and nostalgia.
I miss those moments too. And yes, it seems so long ago. Everyone is so back to getting it on. Revenge spending, revenge travel....I don't like how it sounds. 🙃
I definitely don't miss being worried everyone in my life was going to die (one did) because my family very quickly went to "everything as normal"...
This is beautiful (as always, but it is). I've been thinking a lot about the concept of "common humanity" - that we will all experience holidays that aren't the front of the postcard. Sometimes I'm amazed by just how clueless I was about how things were for my grandparents when their spouses died and for my parents when their parents died. I really was oblivious to it all. And in some ways it's good, I think my nieces and nephews are too and so they help me and my dad just in their "normalness" too. But I have learned a lot (and know I still don't know what so many things people go through are really like).
I've been reading through the past years of Carolyn Hax's "Hootenanny of Holiday Horrors" - if you want something that makes you feel better about your own weirdness or that of your family, this is doing it for me! (May be behind the paywall though: https://www.washingtonpost.com/advice/2022/02/08/carolyn-hax-hootenanny-transcripts-by-year/ )
Somehow reading these has helped me see that I am loved and accepted by my family for having my own needs and needing to do things my own way. I'm not sure I'm ready to go maskless on Thursday and though I know I'd be the only one wearing a mask, I've given myself permission if it helps my nervous system cope with the day. And they will love me anyway.
"And they will love me anyway." This is so beautiful, Karen.
It's taken me a long time to realize this! (54 years to be exact)
It takes a lot of practice and courage to recognize and follow one's heart.
It really does. I'm working on it all the time!
It's a life long learning. We forget and remember and forget and remember. Thank you for recommending "Bless the Birds", I adore the line that says something about the intention to live with my "heart outstretched like an open hand".
Holidays without my kids (when they were with their dad every other year) were pretty terrible for me. One year, my now-husband and I found ourselves sans kids on Christmas Day, and the last thing we wanted to do was join a big gathering. So we didn't. We went to the movies instead. In fact, we watched two movies, taking a break between to sit in the sun on a bench. It was just what we needed.
That's such a special memory. I love that!
When we moved to Texas, away from family, we had to figure out new ways to celebrate the end-of-year holidays with new traditions. We went camping for five of the six Thanksgivings and three of the six Christmases. That gave our family of four plus two dogs a chance to make precious memories with just us and occasional fellow travelers. Moving back to the Midwest means celebrating with family and sometimes I miss the simplicity of not dealing with the politics of family gatherings, no matter how precious those memories can be as well.
Camping sounds like such a fun way to spend a holiday! Did you go to the same site every time, or make it a point to hit somewhere new?
We hit a new place for each Thanksgiving. For Christmas we repeated Big Bend National Park twice, but the first year we spent most of our time in the mountains north of there and did a day trip to the park. The second year we spent three full days exploring the park.
What a cool tradition, Sarah!
We miss it. It's too cold to do it now that we're back in Indiana 😂
December was the best time of year to visit some of those places in Texas because Summer was too hot and spring break wasn't quite long enough for that far of a trip across the state.
This will be the third Thanksgiving and Christmas season where I don't have a special someone in my life. I have tried to focus on the rest of my family and the joy we create together, but for some reason this year I really miss having someone special in my life. I don't feel ready to get involved with anyone yet but I miss the special feelings I once had with my past loves. Your stories are so touching and inspiring and I am happy that you now have the love that you deserve in your life. For me, maybe this year it's just all these sappy Christmas movies that I keep watching with my sister that's making me feel this way. I hope that you and your family have a blessed Thanksgiving.
Thank you, Pennie. This really can be such a lonely time of year. I hope you find some peace, in whatever way you decide to celebrate. Sending you love!
Thank you Katie
I'm barreling my way into the holiday season as a newly minted widow and some days I don't know how I will make it through. Then I look at our kid, and how proud he was of him, how much he loved him, and take it one step at a time. Thank you for sharing your grief with us so that we can learn from it.
Such beautiful story on grief and overcoming it. How you describe the whole holiday stretch is inspiring too. My husband just lost his father and somehow, the stretch to Christmas is not the same. I have not seen him grieve yet. Something tells me I have to hold his hand a little longer and tighter. There are days when I sign at the thought of Christmas this year.