Oof. this is such a loaded one. And that's not a bad thing btw. I have been dealing with grief a good part of my life, having lost my grandfather when I was 11, my father when I was 13, my mother when I was 21, my grandmother when I was 30... anyway, you get the picture. I mostly honor 2 anniversaries - my mom and dad -- and each year is different. Some years, it's quiet reflection, other years I want to share with others. I think about them all the time but this year as my father's anniversary approached, I really spent time thinking about our relationship as a whole. I came to the conclusion that it wasn't just one thing that I learned from him, or one thing that I missed, but a million little things. It brings me comfort to know I take certain actions or value certain things because I learned them from him... and on the flip side, it makes me sad that I missed out on all I could have learned. Part 2 of my reply: For the pandemic, the line you wrote about how you can't trick your brain because your body remembers was like a lightbulb going off. I haven't been sleeping well, which is not new. But what is new is my dreams have been about fighting back, hiding, being scared of being chased or killed. I couldn't figure out why I keep having versions of this dream lately but now I think I know.... I'm subconsciously dreading March - ironic since my birthday is in the same month and I've always looked forward to spring.
I never knew there was a name for it! Thanks for this. I've not really figured out yet what helps me (I've only recently figured out that October-January sucks for specific reasons) but being gentle is such a big one! Rereading soothing books (Jane Austen helps me) and journalling, and spending time with my cats and fiancée, too. Becoming a bit of a hermit and ALLOWING myself the time to heal.
My niece died by suicide 3 years ago-she would have been 24 earlier this month. I shared your essay with my sister and we cried together. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing with us so openly. I love what you are doing. You are a gift.
I don't have a grief anniversary but I do have a sobriety anniversary. And every year it comes around I start feel weird. I feel overwhelmed with different emotions. What helps me get through my sobriety anniversary is running, going to meetings and sharing about how I'm feeling and also talking to my sponsor.
I lost my brother on March 3rd 2019 so my brain was braced for a hard March 2020- but then we were hit with a new kind of global grief and challenge for healing. At first I felt better braced for it than those around me, I knew what grief felt like so the early pandemic emotions were not new feelings for me. I knew the anniversary was still going to be hard this year, but with the two timelines and anniversaries intersecting I had no idea what to expect. It has been hard and exhausting but I tried to find ways to find some light and love on that day. I was bombarded with twelve bouquets of flowers from friends, I spent time with my sister in the sunshine (a luxury in a Michigan March), and we had a steak and champagne in his honor. It was the small things that made a big difference.... to my surprise March 3rd wasn't the hardest day, because I was braced for it. The days surrounding it, however, have been harder than expected and I needed to read this, thank you for reminding me that I am not expected to be at full capacity this week.
Such a good explanation. Sometimes things feel easier when I know why I'm feeling them. Or that others are in the same place. It is normalizing, I guess? So, thanks for this. Thinking about the pandemic as a traumatic event puts it in a new perspective.
Hey. I didn't realize either that there was a name for it. I lost my mom in january 2020 and I've been going thru various versions of the grief process... and realized today i am starting to move on. My best friend died when I was 17 and it was from suicide. For 20 years I went over and over in my head how devastating it was and I allowed it to ruin my life instead of show me there's so much more to live for.
This time around,- I know my mom wants me to be happy. She fought for my happiness everyday of my life... and I want to show her that I'm going to be the best I can be. Loving my best life, am I right?
But yeah-- hanging out with the love of my life, chilling and reading and listening to music and dancing around the house every morning for a workout-- these are my jams.... be the best you can be. Try our hardest.
Oof. this is such a loaded one. And that's not a bad thing btw. I have been dealing with grief a good part of my life, having lost my grandfather when I was 11, my father when I was 13, my mother when I was 21, my grandmother when I was 30... anyway, you get the picture. I mostly honor 2 anniversaries - my mom and dad -- and each year is different. Some years, it's quiet reflection, other years I want to share with others. I think about them all the time but this year as my father's anniversary approached, I really spent time thinking about our relationship as a whole. I came to the conclusion that it wasn't just one thing that I learned from him, or one thing that I missed, but a million little things. It brings me comfort to know I take certain actions or value certain things because I learned them from him... and on the flip side, it makes me sad that I missed out on all I could have learned. Part 2 of my reply: For the pandemic, the line you wrote about how you can't trick your brain because your body remembers was like a lightbulb going off. I haven't been sleeping well, which is not new. But what is new is my dreams have been about fighting back, hiding, being scared of being chased or killed. I couldn't figure out why I keep having versions of this dream lately but now I think I know.... I'm subconsciously dreading March - ironic since my birthday is in the same month and I've always looked forward to spring.
I never knew there was a name for it! Thanks for this. I've not really figured out yet what helps me (I've only recently figured out that October-January sucks for specific reasons) but being gentle is such a big one! Rereading soothing books (Jane Austen helps me) and journalling, and spending time with my cats and fiancée, too. Becoming a bit of a hermit and ALLOWING myself the time to heal.
My niece died by suicide 3 years ago-she would have been 24 earlier this month. I shared your essay with my sister and we cried together. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing with us so openly. I love what you are doing. You are a gift.
I don't have a grief anniversary but I do have a sobriety anniversary. And every year it comes around I start feel weird. I feel overwhelmed with different emotions. What helps me get through my sobriety anniversary is running, going to meetings and sharing about how I'm feeling and also talking to my sponsor.
I found you through Girls' Night In. I really love that quote about the storm changing you.
I lost my brother on March 3rd 2019 so my brain was braced for a hard March 2020- but then we were hit with a new kind of global grief and challenge for healing. At first I felt better braced for it than those around me, I knew what grief felt like so the early pandemic emotions were not new feelings for me. I knew the anniversary was still going to be hard this year, but with the two timelines and anniversaries intersecting I had no idea what to expect. It has been hard and exhausting but I tried to find ways to find some light and love on that day. I was bombarded with twelve bouquets of flowers from friends, I spent time with my sister in the sunshine (a luxury in a Michigan March), and we had a steak and champagne in his honor. It was the small things that made a big difference.... to my surprise March 3rd wasn't the hardest day, because I was braced for it. The days surrounding it, however, have been harder than expected and I needed to read this, thank you for reminding me that I am not expected to be at full capacity this week.
Such a good explanation. Sometimes things feel easier when I know why I'm feeling them. Or that others are in the same place. It is normalizing, I guess? So, thanks for this. Thinking about the pandemic as a traumatic event puts it in a new perspective.
Hey. I didn't realize either that there was a name for it. I lost my mom in january 2020 and I've been going thru various versions of the grief process... and realized today i am starting to move on. My best friend died when I was 17 and it was from suicide. For 20 years I went over and over in my head how devastating it was and I allowed it to ruin my life instead of show me there's so much more to live for.
This time around,- I know my mom wants me to be happy. She fought for my happiness everyday of my life... and I want to show her that I'm going to be the best I can be. Loving my best life, am I right?
But yeah-- hanging out with the love of my life, chilling and reading and listening to music and dancing around the house every morning for a workout-- these are my jams.... be the best you can be. Try our hardest.
Loved this post, so I subscribed. Xoxo.