Motherhood has taught me self-compassion in ways I never would’ve been able to access without it and I am finally learning, for the first time in my life, to be kind to myself. To be tender. Thanks for this piece. I really enjoyed it.
Mar 28, 2023Liked by Katie Hawkins-Gaar, Rebecca Coates
Katie, I am noticing now that Spring is here how it sparks some new feelings of loss and grief. Grief doesn’t have a timeline and it hits hard unexpectedly. I also find great comfort in the times when I can slow down and get my hands in the dirt and notice things. I’m so glad you were able to do that. I also am trying to hold myself and my family and my students more tenderly - that reader was so right- we are all quite tired. Are you and Cass going to plant any seeds? I suggest sunflowers and peas as they are nice and big. 😊
And Cass loves planting seeds! She learned how to at her outdoor preschool and will pretend to plant seeds on the carpet in our bedroom (“dig, plant, water, cover with dirt!”). It’s so sweet 🥹 We did a bit of planting in the fall but might look for a chance to plant something else this spring. It really is such a healing and rewarding activity!
I lost my husband one month ago today. I want to tell him about my day all the time. I’ve started to write to him in my journal and tell him about my day. It’s like the way we use to talk about our days when we did separate activities and then did the end of day recap. I wonder sometimes if it will get any better. If this big hole in my heart will ever mend. Now I just do things like tell a complete stranger in a store that my husband died and then burst into tears. Sometimes I don’t know this person I’ve become. I’ve gotten to the point that I just don’t care what people think because nothing could be worse than loosing your true love. I heard myself tell a neighbor that I would do anything for just one more day with him. I do find random moments of joy in my day. Seeing a flower bloom in the garden. Watching the dogs play together. Or the kindness of strangers, friends, and neighbors. I never thought I would be this person. It is surprising how many people I knew experienced this heart wrenching grief...and only now are telling me about it. I couldn’t relate before I lost my husband.
Yasi, I'm so sorry. One month is no time at all—no time really to even wrap your head around the fact that your husband is gone. I remember just a few months in also feeling the need to tell everyone (everyone!) that my husband had just died. Everything you're experiencing is normal. Even when it feels anything but. I'm sending you so much love.
Inbox zero is one of those topics I am weirdly passionate about. It has been a game-changer for me! I don't follow it perfectly but I like to cheat and just stick a whole block of emails in a "review" folder that I can whittle down while on a work call. It's a great feeling to reach the end and see "No new messages!", even if it lasts ten seconds until the next email comes in.
These all resonate with me in one way or another right now. What a lovely garden of thought and reflection 🌻🌷🪷🌼🌺🏵️🌸🌹
Thank you, beeps!
Motherhood has taught me self-compassion in ways I never would’ve been able to access without it and I am finally learning, for the first time in my life, to be kind to myself. To be tender. Thanks for this piece. I really enjoyed it.
It is unlocking so much tenderness for me too, Jessy! I'm so glad to hear that. xo
Katie, I am noticing now that Spring is here how it sparks some new feelings of loss and grief. Grief doesn’t have a timeline and it hits hard unexpectedly. I also find great comfort in the times when I can slow down and get my hands in the dirt and notice things. I’m so glad you were able to do that. I also am trying to hold myself and my family and my students more tenderly - that reader was so right- we are all quite tired. Are you and Cass going to plant any seeds? I suggest sunflowers and peas as they are nice and big. 😊
Great observations, Mary.
And Cass loves planting seeds! She learned how to at her outdoor preschool and will pretend to plant seeds on the carpet in our bedroom (“dig, plant, water, cover with dirt!”). It’s so sweet 🥹 We did a bit of planting in the fall but might look for a chance to plant something else this spring. It really is such a healing and rewarding activity!
Katie, have you read "Book of Delights" by Ross Gay? This and the "Something good" essay make me think you'd quite enjoy it.
I finally got my hands on it! I'm loving it so far. Thank you for the wonderful recommendation!
I lost my husband one month ago today. I want to tell him about my day all the time. I’ve started to write to him in my journal and tell him about my day. It’s like the way we use to talk about our days when we did separate activities and then did the end of day recap. I wonder sometimes if it will get any better. If this big hole in my heart will ever mend. Now I just do things like tell a complete stranger in a store that my husband died and then burst into tears. Sometimes I don’t know this person I’ve become. I’ve gotten to the point that I just don’t care what people think because nothing could be worse than loosing your true love. I heard myself tell a neighbor that I would do anything for just one more day with him. I do find random moments of joy in my day. Seeing a flower bloom in the garden. Watching the dogs play together. Or the kindness of strangers, friends, and neighbors. I never thought I would be this person. It is surprising how many people I knew experienced this heart wrenching grief...and only now are telling me about it. I couldn’t relate before I lost my husband.
Yasi, I'm so sorry. One month is no time at all—no time really to even wrap your head around the fact that your husband is gone. I remember just a few months in also feeling the need to tell everyone (everyone!) that my husband had just died. Everything you're experiencing is normal. Even when it feels anything but. I'm sending you so much love.
Thank you for your love. Your writing helps tremendously.
Inbox zero is one of those topics I am weirdly passionate about. It has been a game-changer for me! I don't follow it perfectly but I like to cheat and just stick a whole block of emails in a "review" folder that I can whittle down while on a work call. It's a great feeling to reach the end and see "No new messages!", even if it lasts ten seconds until the next email comes in.
Oh, I totally get this! Also love the idea of a "review" folder. Going to have to steal that one!
How much clarity a few days away can bring. Be gentle.
Indeed! Thanks, Amie!