Thank you for this. Like so many, the last few years have been a series of upendings, grief, self discovery and reflection. And 2022 was my cancer year, a deepening of reflection on how I want to live my life. I’m currently working on my own “blueprint.”
Thank you for sharing. And I love the idea of goals as a blueprint... I've struggled with "goals" over the last few years while navigating my own grief/frozenness, and having a blueprint feels so much softer. Sending love xo
In 2022, I struggled tremendously with coming to terms that difficult things would still find their way into life, no matter how much I was working (working professionally or working on improving myself). Because I had developed the habit of proving my worth growing up (to my parents with academic achievements or to my friends, with people pleasing), I thought that I could prove my way into guaranteed peace. Nothing frightens me more than knowing that difficult things can happen at any moment. It is a thought that leaves me in torment constantly. My mother's passing in 2021 only exacerbated that fear. I thought there was no life for me to live anymore since I had tried so much to prove myself to life, to prove that I was worthy of peace and still, here I was, going through the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my entire life. At the beginning of 2022, an opportunity presented itself and I figured I should allow myself to try. That opportunity pushed me to set goals, some big, some small and I dared to try them all. That revealed to me that I hadn't lost my interest in trying and in living. My goals acted like a blueprint, teaching me that as long as I was putting one foot in front of the other, I was headed somewhere. I decided to try things, to do things, even if I was scared. And, I am bringing that mentality in 2023.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, Katie and I am sending lots of gentleness your way for this new year!
Just want to say I am so thrilled to see that CATF is this month's nonprofit! (Air pollution has been the focus of my research/career so far, so I may be a bit biased...)
Thanks for sharing! I agree it's important to feel like you're not just 'existing' but that everyday was worth living. Some call it a goal, some call it a gratitude journal. You do you!
This is lovely and relates to a good idea I heard for those of us who feel like goals might still feel a little daunting. Pick a *word* for the year ahead. I find myself going back nourish and nurture, personally.
I loved your words here, Katie. As someone in the thoughtful process of (re)building her peaceful cocoon—my husband and I lost our 7-year-old son 1/14/22 and we've since moved cross-country, where our lives have been turned pretty much upside down—I appreciate your acknowledgement. Prioritizing peace and tending to our hearts may not looks as flashy when it comes to sharing the "year in review" photo carousel or reel; but neither are the foundation photos when building a new house. Thank you for this reminder! Sending you well wishes in stepping outside your comfort zone in 2023, keeping in mind your cocoon is always there.
Oh, Lewann, I'm so glad to meet you. And I am so terribly sorry for your immense loss.
Please be gentle with yourself with the upcoming anniversary of your son's death. As I'm sure you already know, our bodies remember and feel the pain even before our minds do. I'm sending you lots of love as you build your own cocoon. You're doing brave, important work. <3
Ah, the glorious and painful vicissitudes of life! The ups n downs, ins n outs. It’s been a tough couple years for many, many people. Myself included. Dad with terminal cancer. Financial issues. Debilitating depression. A teenage niece’s suicide attempt. All during Covid! But: I started writing on Substack, and I’m in love with a beautiful, amazing woman. I had to leave Manhattan...but I’m in Santa Barbara. Expectations are tricky. Letting go is profound but hard. Life is a wayward, zigzagging freak show. I’m embracing it 🙌🙌🙌
Thank you for this. Like so many, the last few years have been a series of upendings, grief, self discovery and reflection. And 2022 was my cancer year, a deepening of reflection on how I want to live my life. I’m currently working on my own “blueprint.”
Sending you love as you do just that, Emma. I hope your blueprint helps you feel supported and safe. xo
Thank you for sharing. And I love the idea of goals as a blueprint... I've struggled with "goals" over the last few years while navigating my own grief/frozenness, and having a blueprint feels so much softer. Sending love xo
Oh, I get that struggle! Sending love right back to you.
Sending loads of love and more power to you! Highly appreciate your enthusiasm. Happy new year :)
Thank you, Shia!
In 2022, I struggled tremendously with coming to terms that difficult things would still find their way into life, no matter how much I was working (working professionally or working on improving myself). Because I had developed the habit of proving my worth growing up (to my parents with academic achievements or to my friends, with people pleasing), I thought that I could prove my way into guaranteed peace. Nothing frightens me more than knowing that difficult things can happen at any moment. It is a thought that leaves me in torment constantly. My mother's passing in 2021 only exacerbated that fear. I thought there was no life for me to live anymore since I had tried so much to prove myself to life, to prove that I was worthy of peace and still, here I was, going through the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my entire life. At the beginning of 2022, an opportunity presented itself and I figured I should allow myself to try. That opportunity pushed me to set goals, some big, some small and I dared to try them all. That revealed to me that I hadn't lost my interest in trying and in living. My goals acted like a blueprint, teaching me that as long as I was putting one foot in front of the other, I was headed somewhere. I decided to try things, to do things, even if I was scared. And, I am bringing that mentality in 2023.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, Katie and I am sending lots of gentleness your way for this new year!
I am so glad you're bringing that mentality into 2023! Just reading your words made me feel hopeful! xo
🫰🫰🫰
Happy New Year Katie. I also have made a few goals and wrote them down. Small and short goals is a good place to start.
Happy New Year to you too, Pennie! That sounds like a wonderfully wise approach.
Just want to say I am so thrilled to see that CATF is this month's nonprofit! (Air pollution has been the focus of my research/career so far, so I may be a bit biased...)
Yay, I’m so glad! They do such important work.
Thanks for sharing! I agree it's important to feel like you're not just 'existing' but that everyday was worth living. Some call it a goal, some call it a gratitude journal. You do you!
This is lovely and relates to a good idea I heard for those of us who feel like goals might still feel a little daunting. Pick a *word* for the year ahead. I find myself going back nourish and nurture, personally.
Oh I love both those word choices!
I loved your words here, Katie. As someone in the thoughtful process of (re)building her peaceful cocoon—my husband and I lost our 7-year-old son 1/14/22 and we've since moved cross-country, where our lives have been turned pretty much upside down—I appreciate your acknowledgement. Prioritizing peace and tending to our hearts may not looks as flashy when it comes to sharing the "year in review" photo carousel or reel; but neither are the foundation photos when building a new house. Thank you for this reminder! Sending you well wishes in stepping outside your comfort zone in 2023, keeping in mind your cocoon is always there.
Oh, Lewann, I'm so glad to meet you. And I am so terribly sorry for your immense loss.
Please be gentle with yourself with the upcoming anniversary of your son's death. As I'm sure you already know, our bodies remember and feel the pain even before our minds do. I'm sending you lots of love as you build your own cocoon. You're doing brave, important work. <3
Ah, the glorious and painful vicissitudes of life! The ups n downs, ins n outs. It’s been a tough couple years for many, many people. Myself included. Dad with terminal cancer. Financial issues. Debilitating depression. A teenage niece’s suicide attempt. All during Covid! But: I started writing on Substack, and I’m in love with a beautiful, amazing woman. I had to leave Manhattan...but I’m in Santa Barbara. Expectations are tricky. Letting go is profound but hard. Life is a wayward, zigzagging freak show. I’m embracing it 🙌🙌🙌
Michael Mohr
‘The Incompatibility of Being Alive’
https://reallife82.substack.com/
‘Sincere American Writing’
https://michaelmohr.substack.com/