Ask My Sweet Dumb Brain: How do I prove my worth as I age?
It's advice time, y'all.
Today’s newsletter includes a question from a reader who’s grappling with getting older in an industry where ageism is rampant. The letter has been edited for clarity and length. If you’re looking for advice, send me an email and I’ll do my best to dispense some wisdom! Also, be sure check out the exercise at the end of this issue. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Dear Katie,
I'm aging in an industry that values youth, and I'm struggling with my next move.
I started at my current company working in advertising at age 24 and always felt I was "over performing" for my age, reaching big goals by the time I turned 30. Now that I'm in my late 30s and balancing raising a family with trying to get to the next level in my career, it's hitting me like a ton of bricks: What do I do if I'm not on a senior vice president career track and my colleagues and managers keep getting younger and younger? How do I prove my worth as I age and gain more experience; therefore, demanding a higher salary?
There's a really good article in AdAge that highlights this problem. It's an issue across industries but extremely prevalent in advertising. I'm taking steps to figure out what I really want my next career move to be, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic.
Sincerely,
Feeling Old at 38
Dear Feeling Old,
Hi! I’m also feeling old! Becca, who edits this newsletter, also bemoans feeling old. And just last week I met a TWENTY-FIVE YEAR OLD who said he was starting to feel the years creeping up on him.
I don’t share this to make you feel worse, but rather to remind you that feeling old is something we all experience after a certain point in life, no matter our age. I suspect there are plenty of times we all feel young, too; it’s something you experienced early in your career, but I bet there are environments where you still feel young compared to everyone else, or maybe you’ve gotten completely lost in a moment, and magically feel young and carefree.
Age is relative, just like time, or even money. My first piece of advice is to define your worth beyond a number. How old you are and how much money you make shouldn’t affect how you view and value yourself, despite what society tells us. This, of course, is easy to say and hard to do. We’re bombarded with images and messages (especially in advertising!) that tell us youth and money are all-important.
One way to reprogram your brain is to identify examples of your value every single day. I find it effective to incorporate this exercise into an existing routine. If you rely on a daily to-do list at work, put “define my value” at the end of that list. Before you leave the office, make yourself write down three ways you offered value at work. Those items will vary day to day — sometimes, you’ll note the smart comment you shared in a team meeting; or, you might recall the fact that you made a coworker laugh when she was having a rough day. Over time, you’ll identify patterns and begin to see strengths that have nothing to do with the age you are or the amount of money you make. Once you see yourself as worthy, your colleagues will too. But just like anything else in life, the work has to start within.
Next, I’d like to encourage you to keep an open mind, and learn from your younger colleagues. Just as you have loads of experience and wisdom to offer them, they have fresh perspectives and new ideas to offer you. Age becomes a stumbling block in careers when older workers shut themselves off from or become resentful of their younger colleagues. Make a point to set coffee dates with new coworkers — you can share the ins and outs of office politics (which is hugely valuable information), and they can share their take on advertising in a world of Instagram influencers (also valuable information!). Once you identify younger coworkers that you trust, allow yourself to be a bit more vulnerable. Ask for help understanding the latest social media trends, or talk about how you’re navigating motherhood with your career. I guarantee that your coworkers — younger and older — have plenty that they feel insecure about too, and will appreciate the opportunity to open up.
It’s never a bad idea to think about what’s next in your career, and it sounds like you’re doing just that. Even if you’re happy in your job, considering future options — whether it’s in a different industry, or another rung up the career ladder — gives you something productive to focus on when you’re feeling stuck or unsure in your current position. Try and find an hour or two in your week and block it off in your calendar like a meeting, and use this time for some career reflection. You can look at LinkedIn for other jobs and job titles out there that interest you; make a list of skills that you would like to build in your current job; schedule phone calls with friends in similar jobs/age brackets to get their perspectives; do some unstructured doodling and writing (by hand!) to help you define dreams and desires; or even read management articles or books to inspire growth and develop a command of your own self-worth.
Finding “executive time” might seem hard to do at work, but consider this: two hours is only 5% of a 40-hour workweek. Blocking off the time — and sticking with it — is usually a matter of prioritization and setting aside feelings of guilt
Last but not least, remember that there’s very little you can control in life, but that you can always control how you respond to things. You can’t stop the aging process or the influx of younger coworkers. Despite your passions and talents, you can’t single-handedly control the issue of ageism in the advertising industry. And you can’t control scary things like layoffs. You can control, however, how you view your age, and how flexible you feel in navigating the changes in your industry. By doing things like listing your value, making connections with younger coworkers, taking time for big-picture thinking, you’ll begin to feel less insecure about your age and more empowered by your wisdom. Also, it might seem silly, but small things like remembering to breathe, drink lots of water, and get up from your desk once in a while, make a significant difference in our happiness, perspective, and well being at work.
You are not your job. You are not your age. You are not stuck. You are full of wisdom and expertise and have a beautiful family and career to show for it. Be proud of all that you’ve accomplished, and proud of all that you have ahead of you.
xoxo
KHG
p.s. Know a friend who could benefit from this advice? Forward them this newsletter! You can also share it on social using #mysweetdumbbrain. Thanks for helping this community to grow!
Good job, brain
I'm currently reading: We Are Never Meeting in Real Life, by Samantha Irby. This book of essays has been on my to-read list for seemingly forever, and I’m so glad I’ve finally gotten to it. Irby is hilarious and vulnerable and so real, and I appreciate her so much for all of it.
I’m currently inspired by: Nature. By the time you’re reading this, I will hopefully be on my way to a retreat with some dear friends. We’re going to spend a few days in the woods, and a few days at the beach, and I am looking forward to the benefits of lots of time outside with people I love.
I'm currently aiming to: Unplug! I don’t plan to look at social media or email for the next few days and I am VERY EXCITED ABOUT THAT.
Additional resources
Most of the articles I found about “executive time” mention Trump, this one included, but these are nonetheless good tips on how to make the most of big-picture time at work.
I have been listening to this grounding meditation every morning — which includes telling myself “I belong here” — and it makes a difference. Take four minutes out of your day to ground yourself.
If you find yourself feeling insecure about your age, looks, income, etc., think about your Instagram feed — are you consuming images that make you feel less than? I recommend following Accidental Icon if you’re worried about being older. She makes 65 look fabulous.
For your sweet dumb brain
What do you love about your age? It’s pretty commonplace to complain about getting older, but there are some pretty great benefits that come with our years on Earth. Take some time to reflect: “I’m (age), and I love ...” and, if you feel compelled, respond to this email and share those reflections with me. I’d be thrilled to include your views on aging in an upcoming newsletter.
My Sweet Dumb Brain is written by Katie Hawkins-Gaar. It’s edited by Rebecca Coates. Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash.